Magic in the Stacks: 2014

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Most Anticipated Books of 2015 - January and February Edition

It's no secret that I love books. There are so many authors and series that leave me desperately waiting for the next book as soon as I finish the newly released one. Thankfully I read so much that I have other books to distract me. Granted, those distraction books often lead to even more anticipation for future books. It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, here are some of the books that I am eagerly waiting for in the beginning of 2015.

Frostfire (Kanin Chronicles #1) by Amanda Hocking

I have read almost everything by Amanda Hocking, and I loved the Trylle series, so learning there was going to be a sort-of-spinoff coming out was super exciting. I'm glad that we get to learn more about the Kanin and I hope that this trilogy will be just as entertaining.

January 6, 2015

Unbound (Magic Ex Libris #3) by Jim C. Hines

This is a series about a librarian who can pull objects out of books, aka a libriomancer. Do I really need to say anything else about my excitement level for this release? Seriously, I may just be obsessed with Jim Hines's books. He is definitely on my list of authors I would love to meet. I very much enjoy his blog, and he writes amazingly strong yet real female characters.

January 6, 2015

Witches of Echo Park (Witches of Echo Park #1) by Amber Benson

It's the start of a new series by Amber Benson (AKA Tara from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") and the series is about witches! Really, I don't think anything else needs to be said. Well, okay, I'll say more. The cover looks awesome and the book synopsis sounds pretty amazing.

January 6, 2015

Mr. Kiss and Tell (Veronica Mars #2) by Rob Thomas and Jennifer Graham

I was late to the "Veronica Mars" obsession but I think I'm making up for that now. I've already watched the entire series about three times. So freaking good. I proudly declare that I'm a Marshmallow. Anyway, the book series takes place after the lovely fan-funded movie that was released this year, and has the same characters, plot twists, and snarky and witty commentary you expect from Veronica Mars. I look forward to many more mysteries in Neptune, California with one of my favorite PIs.

January 20, 2015

The Ruby Circle (Bloodlines #6) by Richelle Mead

The final book of the Bloodlines series. I wouldn't miss this for anything. I have to know how things end for Sydney and Adrian, or at least how things end for now. Honestly, I still hope for little short stories in the future, or maybe another VA/Bloodlines spinoff in a couple years. We'll see. Richelle Mead's novels are addictive.

February 10, 2015

Deadly Spells (Prospero's War #3) by Jaye Wells

As I mentioned in my Top Reads post, I loved the first book of this series and I definitely plan to read the second book before this one is released. The real gritty feel of the world and the depth of the characters and their struggles is so intriguing. Besides, the title alone leaves me wondering if somebody might die before the book ends.

February 10, 2015

Shadow Study (Soulfinders #1, Study #4, Chronicles of Ixia #7) by Maria V. Snyder

Finally, it's another book about Yelaena and Valek!!! Ahhh....I'm so excited. I loved the Study series. it isn't necessarily a pleasant world and it definitely has its dark moments but the characters and their relationships definitely make it all worth it. Plus, I hear that this trilogy will also feature Valek's POV...AND we get to learn more about his past, which is about time. I will probably do a re-read of the whole Chronicles of Ixia series (consisting of the Study series and the Glass series) before this is released), just so I'm completely refreshed for this new adventure.

February 24, 2015

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Well, I guess that wraps up my posts for 2014. I appreciate everyone who has read these posts, shared them, commented on them, etc. You are all awesome. Hopefully 2015 will bring more book reviews and writing posts. I'm really going to try to be more consistent next year.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Monday, December 29, 2014

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

About My End of Year Posts

It's hard to believe that we've reached the end of yet another year here. I can honestly say that I feel bad about not keeping up with my posting schedule again this year, but I am going to really try to be more regular in 2015 with my writing update posts and my book review posts.

Okay, so this is going to be a really short update post, but I wanted to say that I sat down and looked through the books that I've read this year (91 books so far with a week left in 2014 so I'm aiming for 100 books) and I tried to figure out what books would make my Top Reads of 2014 blog post.

My conclusion...

I had so many that I actually really enjoyed so I decided to split the list up and do two blog posts...one for "adult" Reads and one for "YA" reads.

But then I got to looking at the list of books further and I decided that perhaps it would be best to divide those up a little better, so I came up with a much more balanced set of posts.

So...in the next week I will have THREE blog posts on my Top Reads of 2014: an "adult" blog post, a "YA" blog post, and a post revolving around my Top Series Reads. Now, to be able to make the Series list, I determined that I needed to have read at least three books in the series during the course of 2014.

For all of my Top Reads blog posts, I will once again reiterate that I will discuss books that I have read in 2014. These books are not necessarily new books as of 2014, though there are a number of shiny new books on the lists.

Okay...so that's all.

Expect three book-centric blog posts in the next week.

Oh, and Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Yule, Happy Festivus, Happy Holidays, or whichever celebration/holiday greeting is applicable to you.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014 Midpoint Update

Hey everyone...it's been a long while since I last posted. I am so sorry about that. It seems like I keep failing on keeping up with my schedule for this blog. That is going to be one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2015, to actually keep up with my blog posts.

I guess what sparked or pushed me back towards writing posts is a new friend I made at my region's write-in yesterday. She has a blog, a YouTube channel, two jobs, and I've looked at her content production...she is fairly prolific.

If people haven't realized this already, I can sometimes be quite competitive. So if she can maintain a blog, a vlog, and all sorts of other social media outlets then so can I.

So, here's my update for the first half of NaNoWriMo, but I warn you that it is pretty sad. In week one I wrote an overwhelming total of 1,616 words. That's right. In one week I wrote less than what is supposed to be written in a day. I added a little over 1,700 words yesterday, which means that I am roughly 20,000 or so words behind schedule.

I have to play catch up now. And since I am wide awake and it is currently 1:10am I just might try some Write or Die sessions now and see if I can boost my total a bit.

Also, in other semi-related news, I have gotten my mom to agree to me making some changes to my writing office. So, after I do some tidying up and such, my spring cleaning projects will include repainting the office and making it feel even more cozy and productive for my writing and my life. So look for updates on that in 2015.

Okay, so I'm going to go write now and see if I can squeeze in anywhere between 15,000 and 20,000 words on this 16th day of November.

Wish me luck. I'll probably need it at this point.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Project Death: Revelation Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"Healing is a delicate art that must be studied for many years before practical application." - From Guide to Healing

Danica arrived at precisely seven that evening, dressed rather simply in a knee-length black skirt and a light blue blouse that only served to draw more attention to her hair and eyes. It was nothing fancy but it suited her perfectly. Likewise I myself was in a pair of tan dress pants and a darker blue button-up shirt. I was glad that we had dressed similarly; it might even lead her to a subconscious thought that we belonged together.

I took it as a good sign that she had actually showed up instead of trying to take on an extra shift. Although I had Danica convinced that this was purely a business dinner, I still hoped that the dinner would highlight how well-matched we could be if she gave me a chance.

"I am glad to see that you were not detained by charges," I said as I stood up and walked over to her. When I stopped I offered her my arm so I could escort her to the restaurant.

"Elian decided to take the available shift as soon as he heard that I had dinner plans," Danica admitted. "I assume you told him all about it to ensure my availability."

Had she learned nothing from our conversation earlier in the day? Jumping to conclusions about me would not lead to a satisfying end for anyone. "Unfortunately I cannot accept the blame for that unfortunate coincidence. All I will admit to is telling my friend Ruka that I was trading dinner for advice on field work. If he said anything about it to anyone else then I had no control over it."

Danica shook her head slightly, though I was unsure if it was because she was amused or irritated. The movement caused her gentle golden curls to bounce across her shoulders. "Perhaps I should speak with Mara about her choice in gentlemen callers."

Ruka had not mentioned that he would be asking Mara out again, at least not yet. His bringing up the possibility of us having a double date with Danica and Mara had been nothing more than that, a possibility. Or had I misread the conversation completely? Ruka's impulse control was occasionally quite weak.

"I would not do anything so rash. Besides, I do believe they enjoy each other's company. We would not want to deny them that." I glanced over at her and watched as she set her hand in the crook of my elbow. Another good sign for me because now she had decided that she really was going to go through with our plans for the evening. "We should go or we will lose our reservation."

At least I could count on her to accept and not ask where we were going. It was just another aspect of who Danica was. Specifics on food did not matter to her so long as it did not interfere with her work.

We arrived at the restaurant a few seconds later, or more specifically, we arrived around the corner where nobody would see us appear from nothing. The restaurant was one I had discovered a few months earlier and was perfect for a Resurrector who wanted to speak openly without being overheard. The booths were deep and the dividers between tables could almost be considered walls. The privacy was nice and the design kept the space feeling cozy instead of claustrophobic. I just hoped that Danica liked it.

I gave the name I had used for the reservation and we were led to the back of the restaurant, to the more secluded back corner as requested. As she took her seat, Danica said nothing and I wondered what she was thinking of the restaurant. We would not be the only couple here solely for business meetings, but a majority of the clientele were people on dates and I was certain that it had not escaped her notice. She was a decently observant person, which I gathered was one reason she was maintaining her distance; she had to know that I held an interest in seeing what could happen between us. For now though I would remain patient. I did not need to rush anything.

"How did you find this place?" she asked as she picked up a menu and started looking over the selections.

"I spent some time speaking with a few other Resurrectors and one mentioned liking this restaurant. I tried it and found that it was perfect for conducting business. A person can have a private conversation here, which is a benefit considering how most of our conversations tend to go." When I finished speaking I noticed that she was nodding slightly. Good, at least I had once again reinforced the point that we were here for business. Pleasure could wait until later and I would wait however long I needed. I would make sure she knew that at a later point. Perhaps I would truly ask her out at the end of the evening.

"Should we start discussing field work now or would you like to wait until after we order?" Danica was very good at staying on topic and maintaining a business-like demeanor. I did not understand how she could separate herself so much, to keep a professional air going at all times. I could not imagine doing such a thing, particularly not when there was so much that happened to provoke strong emotional reactions. How could she go without expressing frustration, anger, joy...anything?

"Whichever is more preferential to you. I defer to you in all discussions for the evening as you are the one imparting your wisdom upon me."

"You do not need to slather on the compliments so thickly, Thanos. I have already agreed to help you, so long as I was not detained by work. That did not happen so tonight I am here for you."

A waitress walked over and I smiled at her. "Hello, Mary. It seems as if you are all quite busy this evening. Business is good, then?" As it turned out from my many visits here, I had learned quite a bit about the people who worked in the restaurant, and Mary was the owner's daughter, a lovely young girl who was saving up money to move across the country. She had often discussed wanting to move to a warmer climate and I tried to tip as well as I could; Resurrector allowances were for any time we needed to blend in with human society or if we wanted to purchase anything for our rooms. I did not have much in my room and I spent most of my money on the many dinners I had gone on with the young female Resurrectors around me.

"It is," she answered with a smile that lit up her hazel eyes. "What can I get for the two of you?"

"I believe I will simply have water to drink and then I shall have today's special," I replied. The food here was tasty enough and had a decent blend of flavors. It did not really matter what I ate anyway; I had more important issues on my mind.

Mary turned to look at Danica as she took my menu from me. "I guess I will have the same," Danica said as she handed her menu over to Mary. Then she turned back to me, clearly not interested in paying any more attention to our waitress than she absolutely had to.

That was the only possible downside to spending time around Danica, because I believed that it was a good idea to be polite to people in the service industry. We were basically the same way, but since our charges could not see us, we did not have the opportunity to receive tips or thanks or compliments. We did our duties without question or thought of benefit. Humans were not even remotely close to us in that respect and a little gratitude went a long way to making their lives or their days a little brighter.

"Thank you, Mary," I said before she could walk away. I saw a hint of a smile on her face as she headed back to the kitchen to place our order. It took a moment before I faced Danica again, only to discover that she was just staring in my general direction. Most other ladies I had brought here occupied themselves with looking around at the art on the walls or taking in the assortment of patrons, but not Danica.

"I admit that I am curious about one thing." Danica's gaze had fixated on me like a bird of prey spotting its next meal.

"Oh? And what might that be?"

"Why would the Leaders decide to place a Resurrector into the field without covering the basics of field work?"

It was a fair question and I had wondered the same thing. I knew Josiah had faith in my ability and most of the others would go along with Josiah's decision, but I also knew that Samuel was quite vocal in disagreeing completely. That had the potential to sway the other Leaders against me.

"They did not see fit to give me a reason. I was merely told that I would be assigned to some of the more high priority charges." Certainly they would have more information for me before I heard my first call. If not I would need to see Josiah and ask for more details on the job.

"You are certain that they said high priority and not high risk?" Danica always acted so calm and composed that it made conversation just a bit more complicated. Often times it was necessary to read into hand gestures or other physical movements but in this moment it was just the two of us sitting in a booth surrounded by normal people who had no idea that they were in the company of beings they would likely call angels.

"I am certain Samuel said high priority." I must have replayed that conversation in my head at least a dozen times. A hidden clue never appeared and asking Samuel for clarification was out of the question. Being around that power hungry and self-centered jerk was never easy and was actually something I actively avoided.

"I recommend you borrow Field Work Basics from the library as soon as possible. It gives a fairly in-depth analysis of the mechanics pertinent to our jobs. However, since your assignment begins tomorrow I can give you the bare bone essentials to survive." Now Danica had shifted forward, her forearms resting on the table as she truly became an active member of the conversation.

"I realize that I have already said this but thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to help me. I appreciate it more than you might imagine." I was grateful that she had agreed to help but I had already basically guessed what happened out in the field.

Healing was not exactly difficult in theory and we had been told for many years that our existence was hidden from the humans we helped. Therefore it stood to reason that the basics of field work told us to arrive to a call, heal the charge, and then leave before they could break through the haze of their memories and remember us.

We continued to discuss business through the meal and even through dessert. Everything Danica told me was rather close to how I imagined it and made all our jobs seem far too simple. Of course, there was always the possibility of failing too many times and being pulled from the field for other duties.

For people like my friend Osten, being kept from the field for other tasks was an honor. Danica and the others like her could imagine doing nothing but being out in the field. If field work suited me then I would accept that but I would not mind if I had a desk job either.

When we finally left the restaurant I felt that I had a decent grasp on the job but I had made very little progress with Danica. I would simply have to try harder to win her affection. Sooner or later I would succeed. Failing was not in my nature.

I paused in my story and looked over at Tamesis. She had slumped down in the chair and looked as if she was close to falling asleep. It made me wonder if she had been working herself too much again. Much like Danica, Tam was prone to losing herself in her work and forgetting about important tasks such as eating and sleeping.

"Tam, are you feeling all right?" I inquired. "Maybe we should slow down on my story for a little while and give you a chance to rest."

She perked up slightly and shook her head. "I'm fine. I just don't get what you saw in Danica."

"It took a little while to break through her shell, get her to focus on living instead of just work. The truth was that I admired her dedication and how certain she was that our duties were creating a better world. Even after I learned the truth I was impressed by her tenacity. The two of you have a great deal in common." I knew Tam would see the truth soon enough and I wondered if it would change her opinion of Danica. Then again, the last couple encounters between them had not been the most pleasant.

"I sincerely doubt that." Tamesis attempted to stifle a yawn with her hand but I still saw it, as focused as I was on her. Did she not notice that she was once again growing dark circles under her eyes? It was quite similar to how she had looked the first few times I ran into her while she was still a Resurrector.

"You need to go to your room and rest, Tamesis. I know you are exhausted."

"I told you I'm fine. Besides, I want to hear all about your first day in the field."

I wanted to be able to tell her no, to say that it would have to wait until after she had gotten a full night's rest, but I knew how stubborn she could be when pushed. "Would you agree to a compromise?" I asked. "We go to you room and you settle into bed. Then, and only then, will I continue my story, telling all about my first day until you fall asleep."

She groaned but shifted forward in her seat and then pushed herself up to her feet. "Fine. But I'm not all that tired."

I said nothing as I stood up, sensing that something was wrong, and it was putting Tam in the mood to fight. It was not something I would indulge, at least not now. For the most part I had learned to control my temper, with a few obvious exceptions. Instead I gestured towards the doorway and followed Tam as we left the study and walked to the other side of the building, which housed most of the living areas. Mine was not with the rest.

We did not speak at all during the walk and a tense silence filled the air. Something dark surrounded us and I could admit that I felt a little uneasy. Tamesis did not appear to have noticed it, but her face was a mask of determination and barely controlled anger. Her eyes swirled in multiple hues of grey. It gave me reason for concern. I thought that things would be easier now that we were not dealing with so many Resurrector issues. Apparently that assumption was wrong.

At her door I paused. "I should give you a few minutes to prepare yourself for bed." It had been so long…no, I would be professional for the duration of this story and even beyond. I had made my position perfectly clear to Tam and now we would both need to abide by that limitation. Nothing could happen between us unless she was willing to risk death. Even then, I knew I could not bear for that to happen.

"Don't wait too long." Then she pushed the door shut behind her and left me standing in the hall alone.

Being awakened by the tinkling chimes of a call is not the most enjoyable sensation and it was incredibly surreal to experience it, knowing that it was a real cry for help and not just a part of lessons. When Danica spoke of responding to a charge she made it sound like an adrenaline rush and having an instant alertness and ability to respond.

All I felt was that my sleep was being interrupted and the somewhat annoying chimes were worse than an alarm clock. Was this what my life was to be for the next few decades, trapped by this duty to heal and no longer being in control of my time? Being on this special assignment of priority cases meant that I did not work shifts like the others. I was on call at all times. So far I could not say that I enjoyed my assignment.

I glanced over at the clock on my wall and saw that it was only three in the morning. My dinner with Danica had lasted a few hours and then I had returned to my room to find a large envelope waiting, an envelope that had contained everything I needed to know about my new job. I had been up until almost one reading through everything, twice. Now I almost regretted that decision.

Well, the charge certainly would not wait around forever and I could already imagine the look on Samuel's face if I failed on my first day. More than anything else, that was what propelled me out of bed. I pulled on the first pair of pants and shirt I found in my closet and focused on the chimes signaling my charge's need.

It was strange to follow that call without a clear image of where I was going. Typically traveling involved picturing where to go and then imagining that I was there. This was focusing on a cry for help and following it, much like a blind man seeking out the source of a noise.

When I arrived, I first noted that I was in a dark alleyway, the nearby streetlight busted. The sounds of a man groaning in pain came from behind a stack of crates. Maybe I misunderstood, but I did not see how healing somebody in an alley could be considered high priority, unless the person was meant to do something revolutionary. That seemed unlikely considering that the Leaders did not know the future.

Perhaps there was a flaw in the system for assigning charges to a Resurrector. I would need to look into that later, but for now, I supposed that someone did need help and I was already in a position to follow our training and heal him.

I stepped around the stack of crates and saw a man slumped against the building wall. He was covered in cuts and bruises, and possibly had a number of broken bones. Whoever had beaten him had done a grand job, carefully administering injuries in a way that would be drawn out and painful, killing him slowly. Yet here I was to ruin all that by healing his life-threatening injuries and giving this man a second chance at life. I just hoped that he took the opportunity for improvement.

It was a little difficult to maneuver into a position where I could set my hands in the places I needed to for proper healing. The man was practically glued to the crates at his side and the building wall behind him. The only solution was to crouch with my left leg between his legs and my right leg off to his side. With the way this all probably looked from a distance, I felt certain there were details I would omit when sharing this tale with Ruka.

With my left hand on his temple and my right on his heart, I closed my eyes and focused on sending the healing energy through the man's body, carefully repairing the worst of his injuries while also being sure to leave some evidence of the attack on his body. The men who had done this in the first place would only retaliate more if he walked away without a scratch.

I felt it as his bones snapped back into place and I paused the healing just as the bones began to knit themselves back together, leaving them cracked instead of broken. He would feel considerably better than he did a minute ago, but he would still be incredibly sore. I did not envy his next few days.

The whole process took only a minute but left me feeling drained in a way I could not have imagined. Restraining the energy for a partial heal had been taxing, and I instinctively knew that I would need a couple minutes before I could manage to return to the Resurrector facilities.

Unfortunately with the slight boost of energy the heal had given him, my charge was beginning to really move and I needed to get far away before he realized that I had been his guardian angel. Really, why did the Leaders act as if that was the most dangerous situation ever? I remembered whole lessons where they would warn us about sticking around too long. It would reveal us to the world was what they said. Having that knowledge available to all humans would make it harder for us to operate unseen.

The truth was that some did see us and remember, but those people also knew how the rest of society would respond to such a revelation. Most were not willing to be labeled as insane.

I pushed myself up, a feat that was nearly impossible in my weakened state. I wish I could say that I then simply walked away but it was more accurate to say that I stumbled out of the alley and then leaned against the nearest wall to catch my breath. All I needed to do was relax and focus on getting back home. I would sort out everything else later.

When I eventually made it back to my room it took all my remaining energy to kick off my shoes before collapsing in my bed. It took only moments for the darkness of sleep to envelop me.

Tamesis had fallen asleep at the end of this portion of my tale and I pulled the covers up over her shoulders. I had to resist any urge to kiss her forehead or any other potentially romantic notion. Not long ago I told her that nothing could happen between us and mostly I had stuck to that statement. As with anything else, I sometimes struggled with my choices.

This was something I absolutely needed to deny myself. I could not stand here any longer without my resolve crumbling into nothingness. "Sweet dreams, Tamesis," I murmured before quietly making my way out of her room. I hoped she would be able to sleep through the night. Seeing her overwork herself pained me and I was unsure if she did it because it was what she was used to or if there were some signs I had been missing. I saw no anomalies on my master scroll so whatever was going on had nothing to do with the Balance.

I needed to find answers. Soon.

Project Death: Revelation Chapter Two

Chapter Two

"There is nothing more valuable to a Resurrector than the ability to heal quickly and effectively." - From Guide to Healing

This was a moment I had been thinking of and planning on for several weeks now, and yet I was actually no closer to making a move now as I was then. However, it was something I could not bring myself to mention to Ruka. I had never been rejected by one of the female Resurrectors before, but none of the others happened to be as dedicated to duties as Danica. She was special in so many ways and part of me deeply worried that she would brush me aside, especially considering my seeming laziness these past weeks in class. Though she had been out in the field for almost a month now, she still maintained a strong friendship with a number of other Resurrectors still in training. I felt certain that I was one of the topics they discussed.

I knew a great deal about Danica, and she did not approve of the Resurrectors who did not share a strong devotion to training and duties. It was almost certain that Mara had told Danica about my daydreaming in class, but neither Mara nor any of the others in my class knew of my extra sessions. No one other than Ruka and Osten knew of those, because my two best friends had noticed all the times I would go missing for hours without a valid excuse, and I did not wish to lie to them. Thankfully my friends were more than willing to keep that secret. Now I could not be certain whether that choice would help me or hinder me.

Holding back from even speaking to Danica was not helping anything at all, and who else would understand what it felt like to graduate early better than another Resurrector who had been granted that same status? Surely, if nothing else, the news would serve as a great way to break the ice with her. The difficulty would be in finding her; she had been in the courtyard just a short while ago, but I had no way of knowing if she would return there or go to one of the lounges. The most likely answer was that she had been called out to a charge, but unless I asked one of her friends, I could not know for certain.

I cleared my throat and looked over at Tamesis. It was getting late and even though I could tell that she had no problem staying here and listening to more of my story, I was not quite ready to confide all of the details to her. If Addie had not already left the facility I would have hunted her down and inquired as to why she was making me do this now. The truth of my past was long and painful and certainly not something I wanted to share with anyone, especially not my Angel of Death, especially not Tamesis. I did not want to reach the point in the story when she put all the pieces together and realized just what I had done to a number of people, actions that had led to harm that affected several generations of Resurrectors.

It had not taken me long at all to figure out who Tamesis was. Even in our first meeting there were certain mannerisms and looks that I equated with Resurrectors I had known. I felt certain that I knew exactly who her parents were, and when I had sacrificed myself to the Leaders to save her, I had managed to have my suspicions confirmed. But what if my feelings for her stemmed from that knowledge instead of an actual attraction to her? I did not want to believe such a thing but the thought remained in the back of my mind, circling around and haunting me, making me question everything.

"We should probably stop for now," I said. "I think I will go to the kitchen and prepare something for everyone." Cooking was one of the only normal outlets I had for myself. Sure my work provided one outlet for my thoughts and my desires, even if I did not want anyone to see how I felt about that, but cooking…I could allow myself to forget about everything else and focus only on chopping and cleaning and steaming and preparing and baking. It was one of only a few peaceful moments in my day.

In the time when it had just been Tamesis and myself at the facility, I had enjoyed a few peaceful moments with her, simple moments when we would sit in the study and read or pass the time listening to music. A few times we had conversations but most of those revolved around work-related things or she would tell me more about her life and the friends she had had. I knew it killed her to refrain from asking more about me, but she had at least acted in a way that respected my wish for privacy.

Why had Addie ruined that by ordering me to give Tamesis the whole story? I could understand a bit of what she thought, that Tamesis had sacrificed a number of her beliefs to accept her role as Angel of Death, and she had allowed herself to die while saving me. Certainly that meant that she deserved something. The other important fact was that Tamesis had been the one to bring the Reapers into play and that truly did help maintain the Balance of everything. But this story was mine to tell, mine to decide when to divulge, and though it had been a number of years it still pained me to think of those events. I did not want to think about them, let alone tell someone else, though my curse was that I could not forget even if I wished to more than anything.

"Thanos," Tamesis said as I started to walk away from her.

The softness of her voice was such that I could not help but stop and turn to look at her. As usual her expression was easy enough to read. She was grateful that I was opening up to her, but I also felt that she would allow me to stop it if was too large an issue. I had planned to give her everything I could after a few years, once we were both comfortable around each other and divulging secrets would not be as shocking.

I let out a deep breath. "It is fine, Tam. Addie was right in saying that you deserve to know all of this. We will get through it together."

"I suppose that's what I don't understand. For months I have asked you about yourself and yet nothing. But Addie, this woman who apparently has a past as mysterious as yours says one thing and you listen to her. Who is she?"

Her frustration stemmed from her lack of knowledge concerning the situation and I hoped she would understand that though deep down inside I still considered Ruka to be my best friend, Addie was who I had been able to count on since taking on the position of Death. Yes, it was true that dealing with Addie was an enlightening experience all on its own, she at least had come out and told me the truth from the start. If only she had done the same with Tam.

I could not help myself and I reached out to take her hands with my own as we stood face-to-face. I caught the ghost of a smile on her face at the contact, already knowing that she had felt the shock caused by me. It was the only part of my job that I truly disliked because at one time I had been the type of man who showed affection with brief kisses, gentle caresses, and holding the hand of the girl I cared for.

Now I feared that my touch would only cause pain, suffering, and death. I did not want to put Tamesis through that so I tried to keep my distance. That task was growing more and more difficult knowing that she was in love with me.

"Addie's part in the story will be coming soon enough. She has been a good friend to me, and I can promise you that we have never shared anything more than friendship." Part of me wanted to just answer her questions as she asked them, but the rest of me wanted everything to be revealed in a linear fashion. It would be easier to remember where we had left off and would keep me from skipping important details.

Tamesis nodded and for a moment I thought she would argue against my decision, but she remained silent. I had started to expect her to question both my methods and me, making this feel like an actual partnership than her being someone in my employ. Looking at the way her body tensed up and the fiery determination in her eyes made me feel certain that she would be the one to stay by my side until the end. However, there was still a glimmer of doubt, a whispering voice that said once she learned about everything I had done that she would forsake her duties as Angel of Death.

"Will you at least tell me about what happened when you asked Danica out?" she finally asked.

It was such a simple request and in that moment I could think of no way to refuse her. "After dinner, if you are still up for it, then I will tell you all about my first dinner with Danica." Looking back through all my memories, it was clear that Danica and I were better suited to being friends than anything else. There was someone much better who would provide all the support she needed after me, and now I could be thankful that she had found someone.

I released Tam's hands and then offered her my arm so I could escort her to the kitchen. It felt right to have Tamesis with me here, to know that we both felt the same way towards each other and towards our duties. We had already made it through a few rough patches but we made it through them. Now I could only hope that we would make it through my tale and survive the many secrets I have kept hidden for over a hundred years.

Leaving the study and walking down the hall we fell into a comfortable silence, but I could tell that she really just wanted to return to my story and learn everything she could. Tamesis had been wronged by the Leaders, used by them for her powerful healing ability, and she was trying to figure out why they had become so secretive and withdrawn while maintaining a healthy arrogance. The Leaders had been chosen to teach the Resurrectors and to uphold the importance of life.

It was when they could no longer perform their duties that Fate had intervened and created my position in order to protect the Balance of the universe.

When we walked into the kitchen I saw that Lillith and Kerri were setting the table for dinner. They looked up from what they were doing and Lillith quickly told me that the boys were out on a couple Reapings but would hopefully be back in time to eat. "What are we having, anyway?" she asked as she moved to the cabinets to grab the water glasses.

"I have been marinating steak for the last few days and I thought about making asparagus and baby red potatoes." When it had been just Tamesis and I, it had never been necessary to announce what I was making. Plus every Angel of Death before had simply come in, grabbed a quick bite, and left. It still felt a little unusual to have so many people present at the table for each meal. The adjustment was one that would take some time but it did add more vibrancy to the whole facility.

"That sounds delicious," Kerri commented. "Do you need any help?"

I shook my head as I separated from Tamesis and stepped over to the sink, pulling off my gloves as I moved. "Thank you for offering, though." Somebody always offered, which I appreciated even as I declined the assistance. Cooking almost made me feel normal, but I had already made it perfectly clear that everyone needed to keep back while I worked. I did not want to take the chance that my ungloved hands would harm someone else. Even Tam kept her distance.

Just off the kitchen was a small patio that existed solely for the purpose of storing the grill, which was what I was going to use to make dinner on this day. I set the gloves down on the ledge by the sink and quickly washed my hands so I could start cooking. It was only recently that I started to allow myself these short periods without the gloves but I knew that one slip-up would end the experiment forever.

Addie had been telling me for years to relax and trust that I would not seriously harm or kill everyone I touched but I was doubtful. When I had touched Tam in an attempt to heal her, I know there was a rather long moment when she had died, and then the after effects of my touch had kept her immobile for hours. Even risking an accidental contact seemed too great a chance.

Part of me foolishly hoped that one day I would find my equal, someone born with the ability to withstand my deathtouch. I had wanted that partner to be Tamesis but even though she was one of the best healers I had ever seen, she still felt that agony when with me. Would I be forever cursed, unable to truly be with anyone?

I pushed those thoughts aside and allowed myself to forget about everything except cooking. It only took a few moments to clean off the baby red potatoes, spread them into a layer on a baking sheet and then drizzle them with a little oil and herbs.

Next came the asparagus and I had already decided on the perfect recipe to complement the rest of the meal. It was a baked parmesan crusted asparagus. This dish too only took a minute or two to throw together and then the asparagus joined the potatoes in the oven.

Once the sides were cooking I grabbed the container that held the marinated steaks and stepped out onto the patio. Tam, Kerri, and Lillith had all sat down at the kitchen table and were discussing both healing and reaping, but I had tuned all of it out. My life has always been about one or the other and it had become a dull topic to me.

Instead I allowed myself the peace that accompanied the near solitude of the patio. For just a few minutes I could push aside the reality of who I was and what I did and at least pretend to be normal. The illusion would shatter soon enough once I set out to collect another soul.

Laughter came from inside and I recognized it as Tam's, feeling a twinge in my chest from the knowledge that I could not provide such a response in her.

"Man, you are just as bad as she is," said a voice from behind me.

As I turned away from both the grill and the unheard conversation inside I spotted Gabe leaning back against the patio's railing a few feet behind me. "Why do you say that?" I asked him. The Reapers were quite a perceptive bunch, probably from spending so much time with Addie during their training.

Gabe simply chuckled and shook his head for a few moments. "You and Tam both function as if orbiting around the other. It's obvious that you dig each other but neither one of you seems to make that next move. I get the attraction, man, but I don't get the hesitation. She's obsessed with you and I see you watching her all the time. You wait around too long and someone else will jump in there and steal her away."

I was unsure if his words were meant to help me or to turn me into a madman, but the words did leave a mark. They also made sense and I would be a liar if I refused to admit that I had considered that possibility. Tamesis had told me that she thought she loved me but she was still very young and had been raised to only focus on her Resurrector duties. She did not completely understand love or what it would cost her to love me.

Yet the thought that she could fall for anyone else cut me to the core. It was a cruel thought but a sensible one. She deserved better than what I could offer. "She is free to pursue whomever she wishes," I said finally, forcing the words out with as little feeling as I could muster.

"Well, everybody knows that she wants you so stop leading her on. Just take her to your room and get it over with."

I barely suppressed a growl at his words. Clearly he did not understand the ramifications if either of us gave in. For me to give in to my desires to hold Tamesis, to kiss her or do anything more than that would only result in causing her pain and possibly I death I could not reverse. "You have no idea what you are suggesting. There is much you still do not know about what happens here."

The words came out harsher than I intended but it was far too late to take them back. Taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly, I forced my body to calm down. "She and I will never be what either of us might wish to be. The risks are too great."

Gabe continued to look at me and shrugged. "Whatever you say, man, but if it's the real deal then no risk is too great." Then he shoved himself forward from the railing and headed inside.

I stood unmoving for a few seconds and then turned back to the steak. Shortly before she had left, Addie had brought up similar points but I had not been willing to even consider them then. The fact was that if Addie said it then I would be a complete idiot to doubt her.

I tried to clear the thoughts from my mind but found I could no longer return to that state of peaceful quiet. It was clear that the way I used to operate would no longer work. Change was coming whether I wanted it to or not. Change had arrived with the Reapers and if I could adjust to them then I needed to be open to other possibilities as well.

As soon as the steaks were ready I arranged them on a platter, carried them inside, and set the platter in the middle of the table. Then I pulled the asparagus and potatoes from the oven and carried them to the table as well. "Dinner is ready," I announced as I grabbed my gloves from the ledge above the sink and pulled the black leather over my cursed skin.

After checking one last time that my hands were completely covered I joined the others at the table. For whatever reason, though the death curse flowed over my entire body, it was most potent with contact from my hands. Perhaps that was the loophole I needed, but I doubted it. My kiss had killed in the past and I was not eager to repeat the experience.

Perhaps my thoughts translated to a certain look because no one spoke to me except to compliment the food. It was fine that they did not include me in the conversation because I would not have been much of a participant anyway.

After the meal Gabe and Rick offered to clean up while Kerri and Lillith headed out for a few quick Reaps. Tam stood up and walked over to me. "I still want you to tell me about Danica tonight but I have a fairly important soul to collect."

She had gotten comfortable enough with the job that she was now starting to sense the weight of the souls. It helped us see how much the Balance could be tipped, and with a heavy soul it was likely that a Resurrector would also be there. I nodded to her. "I will be waiting for you in the study. Be careful."

Tam gave me a bright smile and shook her head. "There's no need for that. I can certainly handle the Resurrectors." Then she faded away in a smoky gray mist and I made my way down the hall to my study.

I found Danica in the library, surrounded by a massive pile of texts on the healing arts. It was something I should have expected from her, and just seeing her so engrossed in a task she truly believed in was beautiful. For a moment I almost walked past her and left her in peace. However, Ruka was expecting me to stop procrastinating on this and frankly, I needed to just get it all out in the open. Now seemed to be the perfect time as she was alone. Any other time and I would also have to deal with all of her friends, most of whom I had courted at one point or another.

Before walking directly up to her, I picked up a couple of books on handling your first field assignment so I could skim through them later in the evening if I was without other plans. With any luck I would be able to escort Danica to dinner and we could discussing working in the field while waiting for the meal to arrive. It would be so much more pleasant to discuss the matter with someone than to read about the rather long history of Resurrectors in the field.

After taking my acquisitions to the circulation desk and having Alim, the elderly librarian sign them out to my name, I slowly made my way over to the table Danica occupied. I cleared my throat and gestured towards the open seat across from her. "Would it be all right if I joined you for a few minutes?"

She did not even look up from the books, instead only pausing in her reading long enough to jot down a few notes. Her hair had been clipped back so it stayed out of her eyes while she studied, though a few strands had fallen loose. Danica did not appear to be bothered by it in the slightest. In her time in classes and out in the field, it had become clear to most everyone that she would sacrifice her looks in the name of her duty. I completely admired her dedication to the job but I could not come close to feeling that way myself.

We were born with the skill to heal and had very little options other than to become Resurrectors. A few of the Resurrectors did not show a skill for healing and instead went into other fields. They were our librarians, our teachers, our mentors, and some of them found jobs in the human realm, mostly as social workers. No one looked down on those who were not meant to be out healing. They helped in other ways and it was to be respected.

Danica still had not answered me so I made the decision for her and slid into the chair. That at least caused her to glance up at me. "What are you doing here, Thanos?" she asked before turning her focus back to the books.

"I was hoping to speak with you about field work. Samuel has informed me that I am to be released from classes to work on what they consider to be special cases, and considering you are the only other person from our class who has been given an assignment, I figured you would be the best choice for any questions I might have."

"All you need to do is follow your training. Field work is easy. Nobody really pays attention as you heal and then you leave before the charge can piece together that something miraculous has happened to them." Danica jotted down something else and then set down her pen so she could focus on the conversation. I took that as a good sign. "This is something they will cover exclusively the last month of classes."

At that I had no choice but to smile. It was good that word had not already spread of my assignment. Ruka was pretty good at keeping secrets most of the time, which I appreciated far more than I could admit out loud. "Unfortunately those are lessons I must skip," I said. "My first day in the field is tomorrow, hence my desire to speak with you."

"Congratulations on your early graduation. I apologize if this seems rude but I did not ever believe you to be so dedicated to the profession. I suppose I could take some time to run you through the basics." She stated it so simply, as if it was nothing more than fact, with no hint of disapproval or malice. That was another aspect of Danica's personality to appreciate and I doubted that she even realized it. Even her focus on her work did not keep her from helping others in need.

"I believe the only response I can give is to say that sometimes people will surprise you, and basing opinions on rumors is never the best option. It is fortunate that I was assigned to sessions with Josiah and the other Leaders." The last comment was one that I knew she would respect, because being chosen for more advanced sessions often hinted that a Resurrector was destined for some great career. I usually acted as if none of that really mattered to me, but that was because I did not want people to suspect all of the things I had been told already. The information about the Resurrectors and the Leaders that I had would be shocking to others.

The truth was that the Leaders were scared of tales they had read, predictions of a great threat to the cause, and the only piece of knowledge that kept them from panicking was that a unique Resurrector would arise to usher in changes that would bring peace. This was all information I had been told by Josiah…or knowledge I had gathered while snooping through their books and files.

Danica nodded and closed up her books, stacking them up and shoving them into her bag. "You are right and I apologize for jumping to conclusions about you," she replied as she stood up. "Now, you said you wanted to talk about field work?"

I could not have planned the conversation any better than it was already going. Frankly I did not mind if she was only doing this because she thought it was her duty to help, because if she agreed to dinner then I would win her over. Also, unlike most of the other young female Resurrectors, Danica was someone meant for more than a casual date or two.

"Yes, I would love to hear all about field work, especially from someone who has been out there. I would not want to seem overwhelmed on my first day." Perhaps I was going the tiniest bit overboard but I knew she would pity me for the position in which I found myself. "Are you available tonight? For sharing your wisdom with me the least I can do in return is to take you out to eat," I said. Then, seeing the look on her face, a slight thinning of her lips and a hint of displeasure in her eyes, I continued, "It will be strictly a business dinner. I would not want to overstep any professional boundaries."

That comment seemed to be the one that eased her mind and helped her make a decision because after a moment she gave a slight nod. "Fine. I will meet you in the courtyard at seven, unless I have a charge. Mara will find you if I am late."

I scooped up my books and gave Danica an eager smile, already feeling that I had secured myself as the best option to be her future partner. "Thank you for your help, and I will see you later." Then I walked away before she had a chance to change her mind.

Project Death: Revelation Chapter One

Chapter One

"The duty of a Resurrector is to save as many lives as he/she can during his/her time in that position." - From Samuel's teachings

From the time I was a kid my entire life was planned. I was supposed to learn everything from the so-called family business so that I could take it over. Never mind the fact that I was horrible at it. Well, perhaps horrible is the wrong word to use because I started out as relatively good but then things shifted and it changed everything for me.

I understood the principles of healing and I had been forced to memorize every single theory possible. If I was to move up into one of the upper management positions then I had to know ever facet of the job. Because of this, they assigned me to the more difficult cases, the humans who would need extra healing attention. For a while I did what I was required to do, and I did not mind it.

However, there comes a time in every teenager's life where they wish to rebel against adult expectations. I was no different at first. I started slacking off in my classes and spent far too much time going out with girls.

I have never told my story to anyone and it is a known fact that they do not speak well of me in my former home. It matters not anymore because I have seen the truth and it was the truth that set me on this path.

Perhaps it is best to start at the very beginning. I was born to a race that many do not know of. For the truth of that existence to come out would mean disaster for all of us. We do our best work in the shadows. Do not mistake me, humans can see us but whenever we are sent out after a charge, the memories of those surrounding the charge tend to grow a little hazy.

Anyway, at birth we are given a name, one that is believed to have been chosen for us by Fate itself. Naturally most in my profession receive happy and soothing names. My parents were not so pleased when they heard the name that was to be mine. I am certain that it was my father who caused the greatest commotion of it. No son of his would be given a name that meant ‘death.' It did not bode well for one who was in the business of giving life.

I was the first of all of the Resurrectors to be given a name that did not fit with the profession of healing people and saving lives. As I grew up I became aware of other differences as well, namely the fact that I never tanned and my hair color was darker than anyone else around me. Looking back all of it was a sign to show me that I was meant for a greater purpose.

Other than my appearance I fit in well enough with all the other Resurrectors. I was popular, and none of it had anything to do with the family I was a part of. Typically a Resurrector child knew next to nothing about their parents because they were raised in a sort of daycare program. To form a connection to one's parents was seen as troublesome, something that could get in the way of future lessons or one's work ethic.

It was different for me. Though I was never allowed to address him as such, I knew who my father was.

"Thanos! Pay attention!"

I looked away from the window and fixed my gaze on Samuel, one of the youngest Leaders. "Yes, sir?"

"That is the third time today you have been ignoring the lessons I am teaching. Do it again and I will have to assign you to more studies."

With a shrug I returned my gaze to the window, or more precisely to the courtyard outside the window. There were a few girls out there in whom I was interested. The lessons seemed unimportant anyway. I had already been over them, though Samuel tended to forget that, especially in a public setting. My gaze settled on Danica, a stunning Resurrector with a great heart, personality, and smile. We had been in several classes together and even the Leaders had spoken highly of her skills and work ethic. However, my interest in her was for far different reasons.

On this particular day I planned to invite Danica out to dinner. It was almost inevitable that she would agree. I could tell by the way she smiled at me that she liked being around me, but of course, her Resurrector life came first. The only thing that could keep us apart was work, but even that had to end at some point. We had more numbers of Resurrectors than we needed.

Resurrectors worked in shifts, six hours at a time, though some of us would pull doubles. Danica regularly worked more than she needed to. It was not because of some desire to be the best; she actually enjoyed and took pride in her work. I had heard the Leaders talking about her for weeks now, though they tried to never make it obvious that they were watching her rather closely. There was something about her that made her different.

It had nothing to do with the fact that she was extremely beautiful; all Resurrectors were. Danica had long golden blond hair, and as cliched as it sounded, it did fall down her back in waves. She was honestly the kind of young woman I saw as perfect, and if given the chance to choose someone to spend my life with, I would choose someone like her.

I turned away from looking out the window just as class ended. While I usually would have rushed out of the room, the look in Samuel's eyes told me that he wanted me to stay, meaning he had something he needed to tell me. After everyone else left the room I walked up to him. "Sir?"

"Why do you always insist on ignoring the lessons? It sets a bad example to the others."

"With all due respect, sir, the Leaders did see fit to give me extra sessions and in those I learned what you are currently teaching everyone else. It is not exactly fun to sit through the same lesson multiple times."

Samuel let out a heavy sigh, making it seem to me that he was tired of hearing people tell him the exact same thing. It was probably true as I knew the other Leaders had brought it up to him as well. "You have shown remarkable potential in all of your tests and various one-on-one sessions with the Leaders. It is mostly for that reason that we are going to be sending you out on some of our high priority cases."

"Wait," Tamesis said, interrupting me even though I had only started telling my story a couple minutes before. "So you are telling me that Samuel did more than simply do the occasional private lesson?"

I nodded. "There was a time when the Leaders were the ones teaching the lessons and they were occasionally assisted by the more experienced Resurrectors. That all changed after what I did to them by becoming Death. They thought by distancing themselves it would keep it from happening again. However, they had no control in the matter."

"How did they become so utterly biased and pig-headed?" she asked.

I could see that it was something she had wondered about quite a bit and it was understandable. She did not know everything that had happened and it would certainly take time before she heard the entire story. "I hope that will become clear as I tell the story of what happened between myself and the other Resurrectors."

In the past few minutes we had stood on the roof of the facility of Death and I had started my story. It was not one that I particularly wanted to tell but Tamesis had a right to know. It would change a great number of things, with her belief system and with the people in her life. I had to wonder what she would think of me when I reached the end of my story. In the beginning I had told her there were a number of things I was not proud of and it was certainly true. There were a great many things I wished could have happened differently.

My betrayal had changed the lives of many people, including Tamesis and the friends she had when she was a Resurrector. Even worse than that, my betrayal had forever changed how the Leaders handled everything, and the futures of those I deeply cared about. Osten and Ruka had been my best friends but I had not heard anything from them in years. Perhaps the worst change had been the future of Danica. She would have been the best Resurrector out there and if I had not betrayed her trust then she would still be out working in the field. She never would have accepted the offer to become a Leader.

I pulled my hand away from Tam's and took a step back. With the way I felt now, I did not want to stand near her. "Perhaps we should postpone this story for a little while. You will hear the rest of it but we still have work to do and it is getting late."

When I left Tamesis I knew she was upset that I had only told her a tiny portion of the story. It was understandable because she had been asking for the truth since the beginning. Much of what I really had to say to her revolved around Danica. Tamesis did not realize it yet but she knew Danica from her time as a Resurrector.

We both knew her but it was as if she was two completely different people. The Danica that Tamesis knew was the reserved Leader, but I had known her long before all of that, when she was still full of fire and life, believing that what she was doing out in the field was making a change in the world.

As I headed out to Reap the soul of a drug dealer, I found myself thinking back to the conversation I had with Samuel about taking on the high priority cases. It really did not matter that the conversation had taken place decades ago. I could not forget anything that had happened.

Of all the things I had expected Samuel to say, this was not even on the list. Basically everything I had heard from him centered on my apparent lack of focus or how I was not living up to my destiny. Perhaps that was why I never really tried. Should we not be able to choose our own destiny?

I had heard the destiny speech from the Leaders practically my entire life. They always said that I was meant for great things and that I needed to be prepared for what was to happen. There was a book in the Leaders' private library that spoke of a Resurrector with a unique name who would bring about a change for the betterment of the world.

They all believed me to be that Resurrector. It was understandable but I had my doubts. First I had never seen the book; the Leaders kept it locked up. I had searched for it before when I was bored. My father heard me question this belief many times but he always told me that I should not question the wisdom of those who came before me.

"What would my responsibilities be? Would I still be expected to go to my classes?" I had to ask. On-duty Resurrectors were the ones who had finished all of their coursework. I had not yet officially graduated so I needed to know what they expected of me.

Samuel shook his head. "As you pointed out earlier, we did see fit to put you in extra sessions and for that reason you are ahead of everyone else in your class. Most of all, Josiah speaks highly of you. He is the one who wants you to take up this position. It will come ahead of everything else in your life. Since it will be necessary for you to go to a charge at any time, it would be distracting to keep you in the classroom."

Well that at least explained why Samuel was so sour about this whole situation. He really had no choice in the matter. Josiah was in charge of the Leaders and his word was absolute. No one dared speak out against him. Josiah was a legend, one of the eldest Resurrectors still around. He had worked far longer in the field than anyone else and only took the position of Leader when the other Leaders told him it was either promotion or moving on.

If Josiah wanted me out in the field then that was what would happen. Sometime soon I would have to seek him out and thank him for advocating on my behalf when it seemed everyone else, including my father, thought that I was not yet ready.

"Thank you, sir. It is a great honor." The words I spoke were the ones I was expected to say. But I was unsure if I believed in the assignment. As glad as I was to be out of the classroom, this position would take a lot of time in my schedule, leaving very little time for socialization.

"You start in the morning. Now get out."

As I had come to expect, Samuel only wanted to see me when he was required to. Most of the time Samuel would not even look at me, whether in class or during private sessions, but today not even his disdain for me was going to ruin my celebration. I had finished my classes and would be out in the field six months before the others in my class. The only other person who had graduated early was Danica. Without realizing it Samuel had given me something I could use to my advantage when asking Danica to dinner. Perhaps this could work out after all.

Thinking back to my job then and my job now, they really were not all that different. Both revolved around difficult cases, typically involving those citizens who lived more in the darkness than the rest of society. In my youth healing them had been difficult work as they had destroyed their bodies. Then I had reversed the damage to the best of my ability and now I exploited the damage in order to take their souls in the most painful way possible.

I had seen both sides of the coin: life and death, light and dark, good and evil. People wanted to believe in a world where it was possible to have one but not the other, but those people were fools because there was no way to have one without the other. Together they created a balance that was necessary for existence to continue. Even the seasons changed to create a unique balance for each location in the world.

Even now I wanted to believe that the Leaders and the Resurrectors could see that it was not possible for everyone to live full lives before dying of old age. A great number of people abused their bodies by doing drugs or alcohol, and others had difficulties in life and believed that harming themselves would make them feel better. There were even those who were so tired of their lives they thought up ways to end their lives. Free will was as important as balance.

The Resurrector philosophy took away that free will, forcing people to continue living. Yes, life is extremely valuable and some people were meant to survive through the challenges they faced so they could continue on to do great things. However, other people needed to die so that the lives of others would be altered, whether for better or worse. One death could change the lives of hundreds of people.

That was why I did my job, as a way to help others find a better life. My duty was to go after the criminals and those who had made all the wrong choices. In the beginning I had lamented what I had to do. I saw the pain and the fear and the anger from the men and women I Reaped. It was not a pleasant experience but I had to do it.

So it would be with this drug dealer. With him gone there was a chance to save a few of the good souls he had ensnared with the euphoric high of the powder and smokes he sold. I could only hope that was what would happen. Nothing had saved this man and this was what he became. It was despicable and yet I felt a slight shiver of pleasure pass through me as I thought of how much he would suffer before I finally Reaped his soul.

This was a side of me that I hoped Tamesis would never see. This duty I had was one that would change anyone. Sometimes I felt sick because I knew how much pleasure I got from the suffering of the souls I Reaped. As I solidified in front of the drug dealer I prepared myself for the begging that always came out in between the screams of agony. No amount of begging would save them from me. With Tam there was always a chance for redemption but neither the Reapers nor I could offer that.

Also, unlike the others, my style of Reaping was entirely different. They could do it at a distance but I needed to touch them. I walked towards the drug dealer, years of practice keeping my face impassive despite the anticipation of pleasure building up inside. He noticed my presence just as I removed my left glove. A needle was still stuck in his arm and he stared up at me with unfocused eyes, lost in a hallucination that would be his last.

I put my hand on his chest and looked him directly in the eyes. This was my curse, my addiction. Much like the drugs had consumed his life, this sensation had taken a firm hold on my own existence. I could not fight the urges of desire for this and I had stopped trying to fight it years ago. As his body began to jolt and spasm from the overdose of sensation hitting his pain receptors, I smiled. It was my reaction to Reaping that I tried to keep others from seeing. Only Addie knew the truth.

I knew it was wrong to keep this secret from Tam but I feared her reaction. She had dealt with so much already these past months and now she deserved a little break from the craziness, at least for a brief time. We were now trapped in the ongoing war between Resurrectors and Death.

Focusing on my prey, I intensified the pain rushing through him until his body literally could not survive any longer. His eyes rolled up into his head and his rigid body fell over. Reaching over with my right hand I slid his eyelids shut. There was no reason for someone to find him with his eyes open, staring blankly, even if that would be an image that could stick in their mind and perhaps even change their life. No, I was not completely heartless.

I walked away and pulled my glove back on before vanishing into the swirling gray mist on my way home.

As I suspected, Tam was waiting in my study. She was extremely persistent and now that I had promised to tell her my story, I knew she would always be around, waiting until I caught her up on everything.

She turned in her seat to look at me. "So, what happened when you told your friends about your promotion? Were they jealous? Did they ask a lot of questions? And then what about your plans to ask Danica to dinner?"

She had to know how to answer that last question. Any chance I had had with Danica ended when I chose to become Death. It was obvious that Tam was extremely curious about all of this and I understood that. Knowing my past was a way for her to feel closer to me, especially after I told her that we could never be together.

"Are you certain that you want to hear all of this? It may change your opinion on a number of people you know."

She did not even hesitate before she nodded. "I want to know everything."

I walked over and sat down in the chair across from her. Perhaps it was yet another curse that caused me to remember every detail of my life, but for the purpose of telling her that knowledge was almost a blessing.

Right after I left the classroom I knew exactly who I wanted to tell my news to first and that was Ruka. We had been like brothers since our Resurrector daycare days. It was almost silly to say that we had always shared our snacks and toys back then but we had. When one of us would fall the other would be there to help the fallen up.

Even the Leaders knew that it was useless to separate us. If it had not been for the difference in our skin tones it would have been nearly impossible to tell us apart. We both had the same, almost shaggy, black hair, and blue eyes, though Ruka's had a tendency to change depending on his mood. However, while I had extremely pale skin, his was a tan indicative of those who spent too much time outside.

As usual I found Ruka in the cafeteria. It was probably a good thing that the cafeteria never closed because Ruka ate more than anyone else in the facility, and yet he never gained a pound. When he saw me he dropped his fork and sat up straight. Then he smiled and gestured for me to join him at the table.

"Now dish. I want to know everything that Danica said to you when you asked her out. Maybe we could even do a double date. I'm sure I could get Roxanne or Mara to go with me. It doesn't even matter that you've already dated them."

"Take it easy. I have not even asked her yet."

"Why not? Come on, I know you and you have never hesitated this much when it comes to asking girls out. I know that it's Danica but you can only hold back so much."

"Samuel held me back after class and by the time he finished, she had left the courtyard."

The smile left Ruka's face and I saw his blue eyes darken a couple shades. He knew how much I did not like Samuel and he knew about every time Samuel singled me out. "What did he want this time?"

"Actually he wanted to tell me that I am finished with classes. Apparently Josiah is impressed by my work from the private sessions and he wanted me to start in the field with some of their high priority cases."

"Man, that is brilliant! Of course, they should have had someone other than Samuel give you the news."

I merely shrugged. There were several reasons why they gave Samuel the privilege of telling me about my early graduation, but there were some things I simply would not say, even to my best friend.

Then, as if he could tell what I had thought earlier, Ruka started to grin. "This is perfect. You are the only other person from our class to have graduated early. Surely Danica will see that and it could make it easier to get that date."

I could not help but smile in return. "I thought the same thing. Look, I should probably go now. I need to talk to Danica and then get my things ready for work tomorrow."

Ruka nodded. "Tell me everything later."

I knew he was mostly referring to Danica, though he would listen to what I had to say about work as well. "Of course I will. You know that."

Magic in the Stacks