Camp NaNoWriMo July 2015: Distraction = Low Word Count

Let's just get right to it...for my goal of 25,000 words written this month, I need to write 807 words each day. This means by the end of Day 21 (aka yesterday) I needed to be at 16,947.

So, what's my current word count?

7,092 words

Yeah, I'm almost 10,000 words behind. I need to catch up big time.

What else do I need to do?

Right, actually work on the project I chose to write for the month: Souls Unknowing. The only exception to this is naturally, Project Death: Revelation, because people keep asking when it will be released.

I want to get both of these books out into the world. I have a date in mind for publishing SU and I'd really like to stick to that date, so if things go poorly over the next couple months then SU will have to be pushed back to next year.

And I am definitely getting Revelation out this year. I think Thanos might be cooperating enough for me to write the last few chapters and ship the story out to my beta readers. Then it's just a matter of a quick clean-up and edit (hopefully) and then I'll have a publication date announcement.

Why have I been distracted?

Oh yeah...reading books. I realized I was about 7 books behind for my 2015 reading goal of 75 books, and I have been buying a number of books that I just really want to read, so I ignored my notebooks so I could delve into already created realms and characters, places where I could avoid the fact that my own characters didn't seem to want to participate in the storytelling process.

Maybe ignoring my characters had made them more willing to talk to me.

I can only hope.

I need to have a big writing push this weekend, and then stick to a schedule for the remainder of the month so I can finish on schedule. Or at least finish on schedule for this altered schedule that is really only half of the goal I wanted to meet.

I guess if I want next week's update post to be filled with good news, I need to get off here now and actually write.

Until next time...may the words be with you always.

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2015: 1 Goal Change, 2 Weeks Down, and 3 WIPs?

Hey everyone! I'm going to try and keep this update post fairly brief because I really need to get a shower and then get to bed. I've already worked 32 hours this week and I have another 20 hours to go. I'm also hoping to get some writing time in this week too...because I'm still just a little bit behind.

First things first: I have changed my goal for the month because it has been a bit difficult for me to carve out time to write and real life is a bit more stressful at the moment than I thought it would be. Shooting for 50,000 words this month is not all that feasible, so I have changed my goal to 25,000 words, though I would still love to write more than that.

Second...WOW...how are we seriously already halfway through the month? Where is the time going? I mean, I feel like July just started and yet here I am writing up a blog post on July 15th and looking at the calendar for the next few weeks and feeling like I have no way to hold on to the remaining time in the hourglass compromising July. The sand just continues to run out and soon enough it will be gone.

Yikes. I really need to pick up my writing pace. Seriously. I do not want to have two failed Camp NaNoWriMos this year.

Third point to this post...I originally started the month wanting to get as much of the rewrite for Souls Unknowing finished as I could. Naturally this meant putting Project Death: Revelation to the side for a bit. Apparently this is the time that Thanos decides he wants to cooperate, and I'm not going to say no to getting words on the page, no matter what story they pertain to. Of course, I have also been having fun little daydreams about this cool science fantasy world and characters and stuff so I've been doing a little bit of world-building and plotting for that. I'm not trying to really get into writing it, but I want to have enough down that I don't have to worry about forgetting the cool idea. So, in a way, I am currently in various stages of three writing projects this month. That's fun and random and a bit chaotic.

I guess I'll just leave you with a statement of where I need to be with my word count as well as detailing my progress so far, and then I'll head off to do what I need to before I pass out. A shower is a definite must. Working in a factory is not conducive to smelling nice and clean.

With the new overall goal in mind, my word count by the end of July 14th was supposed to be 11,298 words.

My current word count is: 5,819 words. So I still have a bit of catching up to do.

Right now Camp NaNo is telling me that I need to write 1,129 words per day to finish on time. That is totally doable, so long as I can find 30 minutes to an hour of good solid writing time. When I get going on Write or Die sessions I can usually manage around 1,500 words or so in 30 minutes, which would definitely get me to my word count goal.

May the words be ever in your favor this month, Wrimos. Until next time...for now, I need to daydream and write.

Musical Writing Inspiration Part Two

Welcome back to another musical inspiration post. If you somehow missed my other Project Death: Revelation lyric inspiration posts, you can find them here and here. I've already discussed the wonderful music of Epica and Kamelot, so today I am shifting focus a bit to Amaranthe. Now all three bands are considered metal bands, but have different sub-genres, and Amaranthe is fun because there's is a bit dance/techno/pop. They're just unique and I thoroughly enjoy them, and so need to get to a concert sometime. Anyway, their newest album is Massive Addictive and it is their best thus far. I enjoyed their previous album, The Nexus, too but this one has more songs I gravitate towards. So let's jump into the lyrics then. As with the previous times I'll give you the lyrics and then talk about their relevance to my Project Death series.

Light the fuse, see the sign

Unbalanced heart

I'm in my prime

Get out of here while there is still time

I'm reaching overload

I'm going right on top

While you abide my dynamite

- "Dynamite" by Amaranthe

The more Thanos thinks on his past, the more he sees how unbalanced everything is, especially with the actual unbalance going on in the present as well, and that makes him feel overwhelmed. Honestly, it's fun to see what happens as he teeters on the edge, and see if he gets pushed towards doing something he has worked so hard to control for so long. You can only fight against the darkness of Death for so long, and Thanos has been struggling with his position for over a hundred years. He really is like a stick of dynamite ready to explode. 

Can't you see I'm a slave to the darkness

Cutting down

And I know I have done this before

As I stare into the wall

And no it's time to let it shine

Cause don't you know I'm addicted

Massive addictive

And suddenly I'm greatly affected

Like burning fire inside

My cyanide

Scared of losing my mind

Massive addictive

I'm totally completely afflicted

As I inspire the lie like a lullaby

Crawling around in my mind

- "Massive Addictive" by Amaranthe

Yesterday I posted about Kamelot's song "My Therapy" and how Tam is Thanos's antidote. Well, you only need an antidote if you are sick in some way, and Thanos is a bit of an addict, just not in the way you would think. This starts being addressed in the first chapter of Revelation (which you can read here if you'd like. Warning there are spoilers if you haven't read Resurrection yet). Speaking of, you can get an e-book of Resurrection for FREE until August 2015 here. As Thanos's story continues, he fights against his addiction as it starts to affect him more and more. It is an issue I already know won't be resolved by the end of the book, especially since I plan on writing a couple short stories revolving around that particular plot point.

Before the darkness gets me I will spread my wings and fly

I transcend from the chaos and the darkness turns to light

This is the time

For chasing my desires

What's in my heart is true

And if my dreams set everything on fire

Then I would still belong to you

I never doubt the feelings that I had

Could bring me through

And every teardrop leaving me

Was leaving me for you

If all my instincts screamed to me

And tried to guide me through

Would I long for an eternity

Or just come back to you

- "True" by Amaranthe

So much of the first book and then continuing on in this second one seems to be pulling Thanos and Tam apart, and for Thanos particularly he has to take the time to sort out his thoughts and feelings and realize that this is exactly the time that he needs to fight for what he wants. Or else he could potentially lose it all. He knows that his position as Death is one without end and so he has to figure out what eternity means if he doesn't have a companion to keep him from losing himself.

You can try to defeat me, you won't win

You won't beat me on the field

My fortitude beyond unreal

If you dare interfere me

Slow me down or impede me

My vengeance will be so unreal

- "Unreal" by Amaranthe

Thanos can be pretty scary. I mean, come on, he is Death, and he can stop the Resurrectors without even trying. Do we even remember how many of them he killed in the first book? Answer: quite a few. I think even I sometimes forget that because he just seems so uptight and proper most of the time. Several times during the course of writing Revelation, I have seen sparks of the rage dwelling deep inside Thanos, and hints of what it could be like if something happened and he sought justice or vengeance for it. I don't think it would be pretty. Honestly, it does not seem like a good idea to do something to tick off Death, just saying.

Danger

It's dangerous

I am out of control

Will I ever return

And it burns

Til I open my eyes

Danger - Dangerous

I fear what I'd become

I see the danger in

Falling back to giving everything

All away, I've fought it back now

Always on the run

Living in a danger zone

I am alone, I am invisible

To the forces of duality

All I want is what I can't get now

Gotta get up and gotta get away now

- "Danger Zone" by Amaranthe

Thanos stands on the edge of control, so close to just plummeting off the cliff and going on a rampage of destruction. Because of that he has spent so much time pushing people away from him, but now he has Tam, and he has become friendly with the Reapers, and so that makes him feel like even more of a danger, because there are people who could be harmed due to his actions. And of course, being Death, he is working to maintain Balance, working for the duality of life and death. He is constantly trying to see the big picture, which is difficult because he is only Death. It is really Fate who sees everything. I don't know. It might be fun to write an alternate version of events from Revelation, just to see what it would be like if Thanos truly exploded. Hmm...maybe someday.

With unlimited options

It has just begun

I've done things that you won't

I wish I'd never done

As I look through the eyes of

What is my design

You're taken the

Ascendancy

Shaking me, saving me 

In the darkest hour

Fear was a part of me

Growing stronger

Breaking into my soul

Let me see eternity

- "Exhale" by Amaranthe

What I love about Revelation is that it is simultaneously a prequel and a sequel to Resurrection, because there are so many flashbacks to Thanos's transition to Death. It forces him to muse on some events from his past that he is not particularly fond of, and even worse, he has now been ordered to tell Tam everything, which means he has to tell her all the awful things he has done. Thanos fears that telling her all of this will make her leave, and while he wouldn't blame her, he doesn't want to be alone. Despite everything he hopes that she will break him out of this fear and darkness swirling deep within him.

Really though, it is all of Thanos's inner turmoil and his reluctance to disclose all the details of his past that has made writing this book take as long as it has. In the end, it will all be worth it, and I feel pretty certain that the book will be so much better than my first, but I have to reach "the end" first. It is coming, and trust me, I will be shouting it on all of my social media platforms when that happens.

So there you go...a peek into my writing process, in particular, the music behind the writing. If you guys enjoy these, let me know, and I'll try to continue with these posts in the future. 

Musical Writing Inspiration Part One

In the April session of Camp NaNoWriMo I wrote about some of the music inspiring me as I worked to finish Project Death: Revelation, and it averaged more views than typical, so I figured I would come back and do another post. Unfortunately, I realized there were probably too many songs for one post...so there will be two. First up, I have been listening to the new Kamelot album, Haven, quite a bit and much like with the previous album, Silverthorn, many of the songs spoke to Thanos and Tam's story. Like last time I will post the lyrics and then a little description of why it is relevant to the story or what about it calls forth that writing inspiration.

Sometimes I'm lost in the silence of empathy

A moment I can reflect

Sometimes I feel I am losing control

And feed on the essence of hate

Walking this world like animals

And into the dark we're wading

You are my reason to stay

Even if daylight's a lifetime away

- "Fallen Star" by Kamelot

The more I re-read over what I have written and think about what I still have to write, I can see a great deal of Thanos's struggles with the darkness inside him, and it really is something he has to fight to control. With Revelation we can see him starting to spiral towards destruction and darkness and he still hopes for a light at the end of a very long tunnel, and he hopes that the "daylight" he envisions includes Tam. I think a lot of these songs I've included in this list speak to the darkness and demons within Thanos and how it is dragging him down to where he could be the greatest threat of all to all life and death.

When the darkness brings the cold

To draw me under

I am caught between

The chapters of a dream

Something is reaching out and

My entire world is crumbling

And it whispers that I am

The chosen one...

Can you hear me...?

When the night begins to fall

I watch the shadows growing tall

Feeding my insomnia

Like a fly on the wall

- "Insomnia" by Kamelot

I think it is mentioned in the summary for this book, but something starts happening to Tam in this book and that makes Thanos feel trapped and helpless and like this life he has created with her and now with the Reapers is in jeopardy. At the same time he keeps thinking back to how he became Death in the first place, and that time of transition was one that crumbled his entire world and he had to rebuild himself. Now it becomes a question of if he can stand to do that again, or if this time he will self-destruct.

My dear I promise

Death comes to all

In a heartbeat...Only silence

Let's play with the fire

That runs in our veins

Trust in the might of a miracle

Now winter has come

And I stand in the snow

I don't feel the cold

And it is all that I will ever need

To believe

- "Veil of Elysium" by Kamelot

Obviously songs that talk about death and solitude and potential for danger really resonates for not just this book, but the whole series. In Resurrection Tam felt quite isolated, and then in Revelation, Thanos becomes Death and separates himself from everyone he had ever known, and from the little bit I've written for book three, Redemption, Julianne (Jules) is alone and hoping for a miracle, so this song really speaks to the series as a whole, and I love when I find songs that resonate that much with what I'm doing and the mood and feeling I'm aiming for with the books and characters.

You may call me a dreamer

Call me a fool

Just a blue eyed believer in you

But I'll die for that someone

In the blink of an eye

So tell me...Please tell me

Just what kind of fool am I

- "Under Grey Skies" by Kamelot

I still need to actually write this scene because I've been putting it off, but there's this great scene towards the end of the book where Thanos actually confronts his father, something he has thought about doing for over a century, but he finally reaches a point where he doesn't care about the consequences or if he steps over the line and does something completely against the Balance and just kills him. Thanos's dad always disapproved of Thanos and while not out-right calling him a fool, it was certainly implied. I have thought about this scene for quite some time and it's nice to have Thanos basically stand up and tell the man that he isn't a fool and that he is willing to die for his beliefs if necessary. I can't wait for you all to read this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Who fears the ticking of the clock

When centuries are passing in seconds

Black is the color of my past

A product of society's abuse

Come and take me off my daily dose of pain

Take me off and shelter me

From this static nothing

You're the antidote

For solitude injected in my veins

May the touch of you hand forever be

My therapy

- "My Therapy" by Kamelot

Every time I hear this song I can't help but think of Thanos and Tamesis. Seriously, when she became the Angel of Death and he started to really develop feelings for her and everything, she became this antidote for the solitude he had felt for so long, and it makes this song kind of perfect.

Would you pray if I said you were dying

Would you be a little stronger

Or fall down on your knees

Would you stay with me

If you knew that I was lying

Would you walk away

Or turn the other cheek

- "Liar Liar" by Kamelot

It becomes clear in Revelation while Thanos is thinking of his past that he has done quite a bit of lying and deceiving, and this song sort of highlights that aspect of his life, while also reflecting his position as Death. The new Kamelot album has been full of amazing songs, and add that to songs from Silverthorn, like "Sacrimony," "Ashes to Ashes," and "Torn" (just to name a few), and I know that Kamelot will continue to be a band that inspires my writing in the future. I so can't wait to see them in concert again this November. It will be amazing.

Part two of this musical inspiration post will be up soon, and it highlights another band whose music inspires my writing. See you then.

Feedback Needed: Blogging and Vlogging

Hey everyone...this is actually going to be a super short post, but I had a question and I'm hoping for some feedback on this.

I try to get on Blogger fairly regularly and check my stats, and I'm always looking for ways to increase viewership and of course, reader participation. That's why I linked this blog to my Google+ and why I post about it on my Twitter and Facebook.

Anyway, for most posts I typically receive between 12 and 30 views, which isn't bad...but I only get comments on maybe one out of every 20 posts. I would like to be able to interact with my readers and fans more.

Lately I have been thinking about the pros and cons of vlogging (as in video blogging in case for some reason you didn't know that). I'm wondering if being able to connect a face and voice with the person behind the computer (aka me) would be more beneficial.

Of course, that has me wondering what to do if you guys would prefer a vlog. Do I then stop blogging and just move all my content over to YouTube...or do I blog and vlog? If I do both then they would cover the same content (likely almost word for word), but would give the reader/viewer the option of whether they want to watch/listen or just read.

So that's my question: would you prefer my writing and From the Stacks posts in written format or video format?

***

Oh, and I'll have my regular From the Stacks review post up tomorrow, and then two special music related writing posts up this weekend (one on Saturday and one on Sunday). Yay for lots of new content.

Camp NaNoWriMo April 2015: The Finish Line, and What's Next

I'm not going to lie...this has probably been my worst NaNoWriMo or Camp NaNoWriMo session to date. I had such a difficult time focusing and hitting my daily goals. So many stressful parts of life seemed to converge and honestly made it to where I was either working so I could have money or sleeping because I needed to recharge. I was just drained. So...with two days left in this month's Camp session, I have about 11,000 words. I will consider myself lucky if I can hit 20,000 by the end of the day tomorrow.

But...I am not giving up on the project just yet. I have pushed my deadlines time and time again, and I'd really like to stop that cycle now. Frankly, I gave myself a couple extra weeks in my mental deadlines anyway, just in case this happened. Still, I will try and keep updates coming--either on Facebook or Twitter. My goal is to have 25,000 words added to my current WIP by May 13th. The hope is that those words will wrap up everything that has been left loose these past months, and then my trusty critique partners will get e-mails with the WIP around May 15th.

Basically I am working to get Project Death: Revelation and Project Death: Redemption out in print and to the readers. That is my continuing project that I will be focusing on through May and June. I have publication dates in mind for both books, but I'm not exactly going to announce those just yet, in case more unexpected delays pop up. I'm really trying not to continually disappoint my readers.

I really want to put out the best book possible and Thanos has given me all sorts of trouble with his book. He has been uncooperative, and then throw in work and general stress, as well as various issues at home, and writing hasn't been as productive as I would have liked. But I am determined to get everything polished up and out to readers soon. I just need to keep to the deadlines I have set myself. If I can then I should have more exciting writing updates in the next few months.

Speaking of writing, in July, Camp NaNoWriMo returns, and I am hoping to focus on the re-write process for Souls Unknowing. Like the Project Death series, this first book of the Souls trilogy was written while I was in high school. Needless to say, the characters and the story have stuck with me. The original version needed so much editing and work that it seemed ridiculous to even try to salvage it. Most of the plot was all right, and I liked the characters, but my writing has improved drastically in the past decade. So, hopefully I'll be able to get about 2/3 of the book completely rewritten.

I don't want to try to think much farther out in the year than that, but I'm basically thinking that my NaNoWriMo project in November will be to finish up the Project Death series by writing Project Death: Restoration.

Oh, and December 5th I will once again be participating in the local historical society's book signing event. The people behind it scolded me last year for not being there to sell books. I didn't have Revelation ready so I didn't RSVP, but they still set up a spot for me. I'd like to have both Revelation and Redemption there this year.

On the blogging front, I did spend some time figuring out what blogs/reviews I still owe you guys from the past couple months, and I will slowly be working on catching up with all of that, but I also went through and planned out a lot of my writing and geeky posts for the next few months, which should make my life a bit easier. Thinking of a blog topic can sometimes be frustratingly difficult.

Basically in May I'll be talking about some Basics of Writing. In June I'll be going through Souls Unknowing prep for July Camp, and that will also reference some writing thoughts and techniques. Then July will be Camp NaNoWriMo updates similar to the ones I had in April. Then in August it's a slight detour from the writing posts as I get really geeky and talk about getting ready for Comic-Con; Of course I will be at Chicago Comic Con August 20-23 and will have all sorts of updates on FB and Twitter, but there will be blog posts as well.

I guess that's all the future talk I can manage for right now. It's going to be a hectic and exciting few months, but I'm really looking forward to it all.

Camp NaNoWriMo April 2015: Mid-Month Music Inspiration

With some stories I have very specific playlists, ones that will jump around in different genres and/or different artists, depending on what is needed for the scene or chapter. I believe I have written some posts on the topic of writing music before--Project Death circa 2012, and Souls Unknowing playlist--, but today I want to talk specifically about the music of my Project Death series, and even more so on the music that helped me when finishing Project Death: Revelation.

All right, well the post linked above with the old playlist for Project Death still mostly works, and since my iTunes has upgraded a few times and lost my saved playlists, I'm glad to have this, but obviously new inspirational writing songs (for me) have been released the past few years. When I was in the final stages of editing Project Death: Resurrection I listened to the Kamelot album Silverthorn on repeat, and the beautiful, haunting, and dark music really helped me channel what I needed to be focusing on at that time, as well as helping me think on what could happen in the future.

While finishing up the second book, Project Death: Revelation, I still listened to that Kamelot album a lot, but I found myself majorly inspired by the new Epica album, The Quantum Enigma.

Have you ever been listening to a song from an album and a certain line or verse will pop out at you, standing out from all the rest as completely relevant to what you are doing? It happens to me all the time, and especially while finishing up Thanos's story. So...I've decided to share some of those special lyrics with you all.

Also, if I can without revealing anything too spoiler-y, I will try to explain why those particular lyrics connected to the story in such a powerful way.

As time goes by I hide the truth

Cannot stand myself with a broken shell

Give me relief

Let me believe between sweet fiction and reality

As time goes by I try to choose

Don't know where to roam in this private hell

Give me relief

Let me believe between sweet fiction and reality

- "The Second Stone" by Epica

When it came to getting through the second book, I had to deal with the issue that the book both took place 100 years earlier, as Thanos transitioned into being Death, and in the present day following the events of the first book. Delving into Thanos's mind and memories showed how for so long he had needed to hide the truth from so many people and how those secrets ate at him. I could tell that all he wanted was to be able to have everything out in the open, so these particular lines spoke to that part of his past so well.

See through the veil

Our perspective on life

Defines everything we reach

Most of us will aim for

All the certainties

Beyond the veil

Our perspective on death

Can manifest in many ways

Some of us stay fearful

Til the end of days

As we believe in what we see

We all assume that this is real

- "Sense Without Sanity - The Impervious Code" by Epica

Obviously, when you are becoming Death, you sometimes muse on the topics of both life and death, and many of the characters in the series spend some serious thought on the topic. Do you play it safe in life? Do you risk everything? Are you scared of dying? Or is it just another adventure? All those thoughts make this song really stand out to me.

Together we'll be strong

To defy all that can't bring us down

United standing strong

You will not fight alone

Don't drown in a sea full of sorrow and pain

United standing strong, here is where you belong

Your angels will whisper

Nothing is what it seems to be

Search with your heart and you'll find the key

You'll see

- "Omen - The Ghoulish Malady" by Epica

Not only do these lyrics speak to the dynamic of Thanos and Tamesis, but also to Thanos and how he still occasionally struggles with the problems associated with being Death. He wants to have Tam at his side, but who he is and what he does makes it all dangerous. I know that I've had people wonder if and how the two will get past the issues keeping them apart, and a lot of that has to do with Thanos really searching for the answers.

A thousand signs declined

That traveled through light

Translate this mystery

That covered my eyes

Accept approaching fear

And courage appears

Death is a certainty

It's growing near

Letting go is fateful

- "Canvas of Life" by Epica

Guys, this is one of my favorite songs on the entire album. I can't really speak to why this is important to the story, but it is highly relevant to the last few chapters. Obviously talking about it further would reveal major spoilers, so I won't ruin it for anyone.

I still listen to The Quantum Enigma while writing the third book in the Project Death series, but I've been doing a lot of listening to the new Nightwish album as well--Endless Forms Most Beautiful. And at the beginning of May, Kamelot will have a new album out, called Haven. I'm guessing Haven will probably have some songs relevant for me finishing book three and working on book four. We'll see. 

Anyway, I guess that's enough on the updates for this week. For those participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, we are at the halfway point of the month, so hopefully you aren't too far behind. If you are (like me) then we can catch up together. If you're ahead...well, go you! That's exciting. Let's all get cracking in the second half of the month. We can achieve our writing goals. I know we can.

Camp NaNoWriMo April 2015: One Week Down

Wow...the first week of April has flown by. I guess I can blame it on the month starting with a 3-day weekend due to Easter. That also made that first weekend a bit difficult for writing, but I managed to get some words on the page, even if it wasn't quite what I needed to be up to par for my goal of 50K.

I will say that the difficult part of this is that I am working on the third book of the Project Death series, while simultaneously editing and going over continuity in the second book. It is a lot to digest at once, and there are certain scenes in the second one that I've had to play with and add to so that the story is more developed and makes the most sense. In fact some of those scenes have been necessary to finish before I could really and truly focus on my work for the third book.

Okay, so I don't want to make this a super long post, especially since I really would rather get back to writing. Mostly I just wanted to make it clear that I am not dead, I haven't forgotten about this blog, and I'm still getting words down, on the page and on the screen.

Based on the goal of 50,000 words in the month of April, I need 1,667 words per day to stay on track. Going by that math, after day 7, my overall count should be 11,669. Right now, I am clocking in at just under 6,000 words...so a tiny bit behind.

I'm hoping to catch up over the next couple days...or maybe even over the weekend. It's going to be tough, but I think if I squeeze in all the writing time I can spare that everything will work out.

If you want more frequent updates during the writing chaos of Camp NaNoWriMo, you can follow me on Twitter @DanielleThamasa or on Facebook via my author page.

Camp NaNoWriMo April 2015: Off to a Pretty Good Start

I was actually originally going to title this as "Off to a Great Start" but that would be just a bit of an over-exaggeration. While I am doing decently, getting close to hitting the daily word count, I'm not quite there. Still though, I am super glad that I am actually writing every single day, and for longer than just a couple random minutes.

Right now I seem to be getting in about an hour or so of writing every day before work, and even though it is writing by hand, I am managing close to 1000 words, which is really good for pen and paper scribbling. If I was able to take my laptop with me then I would definitely hit my 1667 word goal for each day.

But that's why they invented the weekend, right? To have more time to catch up on all the words that eluded you through the week?

Well, that's the way I look at the weekends, at least during NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo sessions. This weekend is no exception. In the first two days of Camp I wrote 2700 words, which is only about 600 words behind. But then, due to traveling on day three, I didn't actually write.

So here we are on day four, and I need to write 4000 words today to be completely caught up. That's not an impossible task. A few times I have managed to write 10000-13000 in a day, when properly motivated (typically by use of the Write or Die app).

I'm with my best friend and another self-published author, Signy Cullen, this weekend, and we definitely plan on having a writing session at the local Panera. Plus whatever we manage to do just at her house.

I'll have more of an update on my Camp writing progress for my regularly scheduled writing blog post on Wednesday, but for now I can say that I have almost finished the first chapter of Project Death: Redemption, the third book in my series, so that feels pretty darn amazing. I'm starting to settle into Jules's mind and voice, and I think it's going to be a really good book.

Camp NaNoWriMo April 2015 Final Prep Countdown

Less than a week until the start of Camp NaNoWriMo. I am super excited everyone. Time keeps on ticking by and I'm trying to keep myself occupied by reading books so I don't try to start writing early. Though Camp is a bit more flexible and it actually allowed to continue working on an earlier project, I'm really trying to follow basic NaNo rules this time, which means no work on Project Death: Redemption until April 1st.

I guess speaking of time, it is important to discuss continuity, especially when dealing with a series with a rotating cast of characters.

It was interesting enough for me to work on the second book in my series, because it is both prequel and sequel at the same time. The story continues right where it left off from book one, just from a different POV. But Thanos is also recounting the story of how he became Death. That was made much easier by having flashbacks, rather than just having him do extremely lengthy monologues.

What gets really fun is that when I reached the epilogue for book two, the timeline jumped forward by about two months. Thanos does a quick recap of what has happened with him and Tamesis, but there are so many other characters who have done other stuff he doesn't know about.

Remember in my prep post a few weeks ago when I talked about thinking on the beginning of Redemption and how I had tried a few different options but wasn't really liking any of them? Well, I think I figured it out. At work I mused on the idea and a possible first line came to me, which then led to me thinking about exactly how the first chapter would pan out.

The problem with my first chapter idea is that most of it takes place in Julianne's head. There is no real character interaction...unless I slightly bumped up my timeline to bring in some people. And when I thought of that, I could picture a conversation between Damir and Sitara, which led me to a continuity issue with certain events in the second book.

I guess that means that the beginning of this third book starts in the middle of the second book. In edits, I'm sure that will be a bit more interesting. I'll have to make sure that events happen in the right order and that it all sounds plausible in the timeline I have to work with.

Certainly it is doable, but boy does it make thinking about the story line a bit more convoluted.

This is what I'm thinking about now, but really, I just want to focus on getting as much of the first draft written in April as I can. Fine tuning it all can wait until afterwards. That's when I check to make sure that the character growth is gradual and as organic as possible, and that my mythology and timeline are all consistent with what has been presented before.

Project Death: Redemption is shaping out to be a fun story, and I can't wait to introduce you all to Jules and to reintroduce you to Damir.

Camp NaNo April 2015 Mythology of a Story

A lot goes into the mythology of a book, and that is especially true when working on a series. The more I write, the more I learn, and frankly, the world continues to expand the further I get into it.

So, here we are at another Camp NaNoWriMo prep post, and I know that there are a few different camps when it comes to this part of preparation...usually tied to the general writing camps as proposed by NaNoWriMo.

First are the planners, and I imagine they would have about 85% of the world-building and mythology figured out before they started writing. Planners are the people who have to know what's going to happen and know how deep the water is and how quick the current is before they jump in. I've tried to go the planner route before, and honestly, as soon as I write up such a large compendium on the characters, the plots, the settings, the mythology, all the desire to actually write the story is gone, because it feels like I already wrote the dang thing.

Then there are the pantsers. They are the people who just sit down and write, and figure things out as they go along. Now, sometimes pantsers don't fly by the seat of their pants, and have a vague 10% idea of what might happen. Again, I can't go wholly along with the pantser mentality because when I sit down to write, you can bet that I've been thinking and dreaming about the characters, the world, and the story for a while and now feel that it is time to actually put the words on the page.

So a couple years ago there was this proposal of a third camp of writing, and honestly it fits me quite well...the percolators. Much like the name implies, those belonging to this camp will consider the story and its aspects and muse/think on/percolate about the options before writing. I find that percolating has elements of planning and pantsing. It is a nice middle ground, and I do some of my best percolating while I'm at work...because there isn't much else to do with the mind while the body repeats the monotonous tasks of an assembly line.

For the most part I have basic character details scribbled down...height, hair, eyes, name meanings, etc. in case I need a quick reference at some point or another, and then I may have vague details for what might happen within a chapter. For instance, while writing on Project Death: Revelation, the second book in my Project Death series, I regularly would have a chapter number with bullet points saying stuff like "-Thanos Reaps person here" and then a couple other points to round out a chapter. That way I have a general idea what I need to do, but it isn't planned to the point that I feel like I've already written it.

As I've progressed through the series, I've realized that perhaps I should have written down more about the overall mythology of the beings within. Book two really gets into the creation of Death and highlights a bit about the purposes of the Resurrectors. Plus, Fate becomes a relatively important character in person instead of just in name. And in the third book there will be even more details about Fate, and possibly about how the Resurrectors were created in the first place.

Though I never really wrote it down or anything, I had been thinking about how the whole system worked for quite some time. I actually have drawn from several different areas of mythology and from some areas of spirituality to create this world. When Resurrectors heal, they place their hands on two of the chakras of the body. Fate obviously hints towards a possible link to mythos found in many systems of mythology, and I would say specifically which one, but you'll learn that sometime in the Project Death series...probably soon. I do have a novella planned that is focused on Fate.

What's really exciting is that though I've utilized Fate, Death, and the Angel of Death in my own way, and then created the Resurrectors, I'm not quite done introducing "mythical beings" just yet. Just as Tam helped to create the Reapers and bring them into the world, another new classification will be introduced in Project Death: Redemption.

My Project Death universe keeps expanding and it adds so much more realism and depth to the world overall. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I hope you all enjoy the world as much as I do.

Next week will be the last Camp NaNoWriMo prep post...but I still haven't quite decided on a topic yet. I'll figure something out by then...I hope.

Camp NaNo April 2015 Character Development

All right...here we go with another Camp NaNoWriMo prep post. There are only a few more weeks until the insanity is upon us once more. As usual I am attempting to write 50,000 words in 30 days, though with Camp, it is easy to change the word count goal lower or higher, depending on the project you are working on.

I already mentioned that I'll be continuing work on my Project Death series. I can certainly admit that progress has been a little bit slower than I have wanted the past year, but I am trying to make up for that by sitting down and writing, even if it's only a paragraph or two a day. This series will be written and published, but I have to balance that desire to free the story into the world with the need to write the story properly. Rushing will only make the book a disappointment, to both myself and to the readers.

Anyway, that's not what I really want to discuss today. In this post, I want to talk a bit about what sort of character development I am working on in regards to Project Death: Redemption, the third book in the series.

In particular I want to discuss the big new character being introduced, a minor character from the first book who will playing a much larger role, and a fairly important character from both previous books who we learn a lot more about this time around. Each of their developments has been a bit different.

First we have the brand new character, who also happens to be the narrator for this third book. If you've paid attention to my talk about this series, you know that a different character takes the lead in each book. The first book was told by Tamesis, and the second by Thanos. This time around we are introduced to Julianne Mason, who commonly goes by the nickname Jules.

I think it will be quite refreshing to return to a female POV. Thanos was incredibly difficult, which somewhat explained pushing back his release date a few times. But the difficult part comes from Jules actually being a bit more removed from the whole situation with Resurrectors and Death. See, Jules is a human who has died, without being saved by a Resurrector or collected by a Reaper or the Angel of Death. This leaves her soul/spirit wandering the Earth. Perhaps luckily, Julianne does know of the existence of the Resurrectors, due to the stories she was told as a child. Unfortunately she quickly learns that she maybe should have paid more attention to those stories, because she doesn't remember much.

This means I kinda get to look at this world with new eyes. On the downside, I've been living in this world almost constantly for the past three years or so and that makes it a bit difficult to back away and give it that freshness. I'm hoping when I start writing that it will sort of flow.

Character-wise, Jules has changed quite a bit from when I first imagined her about eight years ago. Originally she was going to be a keep to yourself bookish type, but I realized that characterization would actually make her wandering period not as difficult because she would be used to being alone. Also, that would once again give me a character who is separated from her peers in some way. The challenge now becomes that Jules has evolved into sort of a popular self-centered girl. So as the story unfolds, she is going to have to redeem herself, and I think she will.

After all, dying and trying to survive when seemingly nobody can see or hear you might just give her some perspective.

Okay, next is the minor character who will be making a reappearance. I knew when I was starting to halfway plot this book in my mind that I wanted to have a Resurrector Jules could connect with. Originally it was going to be another new character, but as I re-read Project Death: Resurrection I realized that there was a character in there who I wanted to see redeem himself, and that was Damir. I wanted to see if he could become better, and develop. More than that, I wanted to see what else I could learn from him, because he only had a few scenes in the first book.

Who knows...maybe while writing, I'll start to have a book crush on Damir, much like I already do on Thanos.

Finally, the important character who we get to learn more about is Addie. When she jumped onto the page in the first book, I knew she had secrets and that she was totally manipulating Tamesis, but she refused to tell me why. Sometimes characters withhold information for so long that I wonder if the truth will ever come out. The second book revealed more about her role in the whole war between Resurrectors and Death, but I wondered if I would learn more about her personally. It turns out that the answer is yes, and what comes out in this third book should actually humanize her a bit.

Addie is seriously one of my favorite characters and getting to learn about her over the course of a few books is actually really cool for me. It shows what a complicated character she is, and actually makes it more of an interesting story.

So..while this wasn't as in-depth on character development as I originally thought, I think it gives you just an idea of the character chaos swarming around in my mind. Hopefully I'll have a lot more teasers and snippets ready after April.

See you next week, when I will discuss my Camp NaNoWriMo preparation in regards to the mythology of the Project Death universe.

Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Pressure - Writer Pitfalls

Wow...can you believe that it's already been 2015 for a whole week? And it's been pretty darn cold where I am, which means it's the perfect weather to curl up on the couch or in bed and read a good book.

However, today I'm going to talk about some of those pitfalls that I've learned can be quite common for writers. They are especially relevant to me as I have been putting off the release of my second book for the past five months. I'm really trying to get it finished and out in the world, but I never imagined how much more difficult it would be to complete the second book while promoting the first on social media.

Anyway...first major pitfall, which is really a hazard for anyone regardless of career path/hobby/etc...procrastination. You know that vortex of lost time known as Facebook and Twitter, or YouTube, or any other site that keeps you from accomplishing any goals you may set? Yeah, we all do it. I spend a lot of time on Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads. Part of me knows that it is just me keeping up with readers, reviewers, book bloggers, and other authors, but I realize that it is mostly me just distracting myself from doing any real work.

So then the question becomes...how do you avoid falling into that black hole of social media? Well, I've tried just turning off the Wi-Fi on my laptop, but it only takes one press of a key to turn it back on. During NaNoWriMo, I did a trial run of an app I've heard other authors mention multiple times, Freedom (https://macfreedom.com/). It is a very handy program. You set a time for how long you would like to stay off the Internet and Freedom actually makes it to where you cannot get Internet access until that time goal is met. Now, you can cut that short by restarting your computer, but who wants to go through that hassle? My problem is that when I'm running Freedom, I can still pick up my smart phone and log in there. But, overall I think Freedom is probably worth the $10.

Mostly I think avoiding procrastination comes down to just forcing yourself to put your butt in the chair and just do whatever you need to, whether that is homework, finishing a novel, or some other important task.

The next pitfall to a writer is perfectionism. I know I'm guilty of this, and I've met several other writers who mention this as well. When you've been working on the same novel for a decade because you keep writing and re-writing scenes, you may have fallen prey to the notion that your book will never be properly finished. And guess what? It never will be, but you can finish it and it can still be a great book. I have read so many blogs and Facebook posts from published authors who talk about the desire to go back and edit a novel one last time, even despite the fact that it was published a couple years earlier and people seem to like it. We will always think that it could use one more editing pass, but sooner or later we have to just let that idea go.

I'm running into this issue with Project Death: Revelation. Thanos is such a difficult character and narrator to begin with, and I feel this obligation to do his book justice. Not only that, I want it to be a good sequel, and I want my readers to like it as well. It causes me to over-think my scenes and the various plot threads. This is not helped by the fact that Thanos's story is both prequel and sequel. I not only have to think about how Thanos became Death and how he learned to deal with his new position, but I also have to worry about the events in the present with Tamesis, the Reapers, and the issues with the Resurrectors. It is a lot to process and in some ways I fear that the book will seem rushed...so I keep procrastinating on the actual writing and instead just ponder and percolate on the next scenes I should write.

How do we avoid this bottomless pit of perfectionism? Personally I try to convince myself that it is November whenever I sit down to write, because NaNoWriMo has a way of making me just write, without thinking of if the phrasing is perfect or if I'm using proper spelling and grammar. That is what editing is for, after all. When I manage to succeed at that task, then I set a deadline for editing and hope that everything flows from "Once Upon A Time" to "Happily Ever After" (so to speak, anyway. I'm not actually writing a fairy tale).

Finally, there is the pitfall of pressure, and this is the one I am most guilty of. I never expected to get the responses from readers like I have from my first book. I have a handful of ladies at work who ask me about once a week or so when my next book will be out. Suddenly I understand what it is like for some of my favorite authors when we finish a book the day it's released and question why we have to wait for a whole year for the next one. It takes a lot of time to write a book and edit it, and sometimes I think we readers forget that.

With a first book there is very little pressure. Nobody is expecting the release, and you can take your time. But once that first one is out in the wild, all of a sudden you have to keep up with a schedule for the next book and at the same time you have to start planning for the one after that.

Then, add on top of all that having a job to actually pay the bills and then whatever personal pressures you have at home (work, school, loans, whatever...) and suddenly you have so much pressure that all you want to do is escape into the land of social media procrastination.

See, these pitfalls feed into one another. You procrastinate because you want perfection on account of the pressure to finish the next book, which then leads to more procrastination. It is a vicious cycle.

We just have to work hard to drag ourselves out of the depths and get the work done.

So, get a community of other writers to support and motivate you, as long as you do the same for them. Let's get the words written, let go of the idea of perfection, and instead of feeling pressure to get the work done, enjoy the experience. Hopefully.

Okay, I'm off to write some more words on this novel. Thanks so much for stopping by.

It's Resolution Time!

Wow...look at that. It's the first day of 2015 and I already have a post for the blog. I feel proud of that all important statement. The beginning of the year is known to be a time where people make resolutions they intend to keep (and typically end up giving up on within the first month). I'm hoping that won't happen with me this year, but I make no promises.

Anyway, while I could try and promise to make healthier food choices or to exercise more, I think I'll still with resolutions that may be a bit more attainable for me. My goals this year are focused on writing and on reading, and I'm really hoping to stick to them.

Okay...so here we go.

Writing goals

Write every day.

Two blog posts a week--a writing update (hopefully on Tuesdays) and a book review (on Fridays)

Get Project Death: Revelation published ASAP in January 2015.

Write Project Death: Redemption in February and March

My Camp NaNoWriMo project for this year is Souls Unknowing.

Finally, if all goes well, my NaNoWriMo 2015 project in November is to start on the final Project Death book, Project Death: Restoration

Reading goals

I read 83 books in 2012, 130 books in 2013, and 92 books in 2014. Considering that, I think a realistic goal would be to shoot for 75 books, mostly because I want to have more of a focus on my writing this year.

Also, I want to try and include more poetry in my reading habits in 2015. Since graduating college I have read a lot less poetry, and some of it is so beautiful and powerful that it sticks with you and can certainly help to inspire the writing muse, much in the same way that music does.

Editing/Publishing goals

I'd like to have Project Death: Redemption edited in between Camp NaNoWriMo sessions so it can be released in the summer.

Then in the fall I can turn my attention to editing Souls Unknowing, which I will hopefully be able to publish at the end of the year.

--

Well...there we go...my goals/resolutions for 2015. Let's see if I can actually stay on track and accomplish these tasks.

Project Death: Revelation Chapter Three

Chapter Three

"Healing is a delicate art that must be studied for many years before practical application." - From Guide to Healing

 

Danica arrived at precisely seven that evening, dressed rather simply in a knee-length black skirt and a light blue blouse that only served to draw more attention to her hair and eyes. It was nothing fancy but it suited her perfectly. Likewise I myself was in a pair of tan dress pants and a darker blue button-up shirt. I was glad that we had dressed similarly; it might even lead her to a subconscious thought that we belonged together.

I took it as a good sign that she had actually showed up instead of trying to take on an extra shift. Although I had Danica convinced that this was purely a business dinner, I still hoped that the dinner would highlight how well-matched we could be if she gave me a chance.

"I am glad to see that you were not detained by charges," I said as I stood up and walked over to her. When I stopped I offered her my arm so I could escort her to the restaurant.

"Elian decided to take the available shift as soon as he heard that I had dinner plans," Danica admitted. "I assume you told him all about it to ensure my availability."

Had she learned nothing from our conversation earlier in the day? Jumping to conclusions about me would not lead to a satisfying end for anyone. "Unfortunately I cannot accept the blame for that unfortunate coincidence. All I will admit to is telling my friend Ruka that I was trading dinner for advice on field work. If he said anything about it to anyone else then I had no control over it."

Danica shook her head slightly, though I was unsure if it was because she was amused or irritated. The movement caused her gentle golden curls to bounce across her shoulders. "Perhaps I should speak with Mara about her choice in gentlemen callers."

Ruka had not mentioned that he would be asking Mara out again, at least not yet. His bringing up the possibility of us having a double date with Danica and Mara had been nothing more than that, a possibility. Or had I misread the conversation completely? Ruka's impulse control was occasionally quite weak.

"I would not do anything so rash. Besides, I do believe they enjoy each other's company. We would not want to deny them that." I glanced over at her and watched as she set her hand in the crook of my elbow. Another good sign for me because now she had decided that she really was going to go through with our plans for the evening. "We should go or we will lose our reservation."

At least I could count on her to accept and not ask where we were going. It was just another aspect of who Danica was. Specifics on food did not matter to her so long as it did not interfere with her work.

We arrived at the restaurant a few seconds later, or more specifically, we arrived around the corner where nobody would see us appear from nothing. The restaurant was one I had discovered a few months earlier and was perfect for a Resurrector who wanted to speak openly without being overheard. The booths were deep and the dividers between tables could almost be considered walls. The privacy was nice and the design kept the space feeling cozy instead of claustrophobic. I just hoped that Danica liked it.

I gave the name I had used for the reservation and we were led to the back of the restaurant, to the more secluded back corner as requested. As she took her seat, Danica said nothing and I wondered what she was thinking of the restaurant. We would not be the only couple here solely for business meetings, but a majority of the clientele were people on dates and I was certain that it had not escaped her notice. She was a decently observant person, which I gathered was one reason she was maintaining her distance; she had to know that I held an interest in seeing what could happen between us. For now though I would remain patient. I did not need to rush anything.

"How did you find this place?" she asked as she picked up a menu and started looking over the selections.

"I spent some time speaking with a few other Resurrectors and one mentioned liking this restaurant. I tried it and found that it was perfect for conducting business. A person can have a private conversation here, which is a benefit considering how most of our conversations tend to go." When I finished speaking I noticed that she was nodding slightly. Good, at least I had once again reinforced the point that we were here for business. Pleasure could wait until later and I would wait however long I needed. I would make sure she knew that at a later point. Perhaps I would truly ask her out at the end of the evening.

"Should we start discussing field work now or would you like to wait until after we order?" Danica was very good at staying on topic and maintaining a business-like demeanor. I did not understand how she could separate herself so much, to keep a professional air going at all times. I could not imagine doing such a thing, particularly not when there was so much that happened to provoke strong emotional reactions. How could she go without expressing frustration, anger, joy...anything?

"Whichever is more preferential to you. I defer to you in all discussions for the evening as you are the one imparting your wisdom upon me."

"You do not need to slather on the compliments so thickly, Thanos. I have already agreed to help you, so long as I was not detained by work. That did not happen so tonight I am here for you."

A waitress walked over and I smiled at her. "Hello, Mary. It seems as if you are all quite busy this evening. Business is good, then?" As it turned out from my many visits here, I had learned quite a bit about the people who worked in the restaurant, and Mary was the owner's daughter, a lovely young girl who was saving up money to move across the country. She had often discussed wanting to move to a warmer climate and I tried to tip as well as I could; Resurrector allowances were for any time we needed to blend in with human society or if we wanted to purchase anything for our rooms. I did not have much in my room and I spent most of my money on the many dinners I had gone on with the young female Resurrectors around me.

"It is," she answered with a smile that lit up her hazel eyes. "What can I get for the two of you?"

"I believe I will simply have water to drink and then I shall have today's special," I replied. The food here was tasty enough and had a decent blend of flavors. It did not really matter what I ate anyway; I had more important issues on my mind.

Mary turned to look at Danica as she took my menu from me. "I guess I will have the same," Danica said as she handed her menu over to Mary. Then she turned back to me, clearly not interested in paying any more attention to our waitress than she absolutely had to.

That was the only possible downside to spending time around Danica, because I believed that it was a good idea to be polite to people in the service industry. We were basically the same way, but since our charges could not see us, we did not have the opportunity to receive tips or thanks or compliments. We did our duties without question or thought of benefit. Humans were not even remotely close to us in that respect and a little gratitude went a long way to making their lives or their days a little brighter.

"Thank you, Mary," I said before she could walk away. I saw a hint of a smile on her face as she headed back to the kitchen to place our order. It took a moment before I faced Danica again, only to discover that she was just staring in my general direction. Most other ladies I had brought here occupied themselves with looking around at the art on the walls or taking in the assortment of patrons, but not Danica.

"I admit that I am curious about one thing." Danica's gaze had fixated on me like a bird of prey spotting its next meal.

"Oh? And what might that be?"

"Why would the Leaders decide to place a Resurrector into the field without covering the basics of field work?"

It was a fair question and I had wondered the same thing. I knew Josiah had faith in my ability and most of the others would go along with Josiah's decision, but I also knew that Samuel was quite vocal in disagreeing completely. That had the potential to sway the other Leaders against me.

"They did not see fit to give me a reason. I was merely told that I would be assigned to some of the more high priority charges." Certainly they would have more information for me before I heard my first call. If not I would need to see Josiah and ask for more details on the job.

"You are certain that they said high priority and not high risk?" Danica always acted so calm and composed that it made conversation just a bit more complicated. Often times it was necessary to read into hand gestures or other physical movements but in this moment it was just the two of us sitting in a booth surrounded by normal people who had no idea that they were in the company of beings they would likely call angels.

"I am certain Samuel said high priority." I must have replayed that conversation in my head at least a dozen times. A hidden clue never appeared and asking Samuel for clarification was out of the question. Being around that power hungry and self-centered jerk was never easy and was actually something I actively avoided.

"I recommend you borrow Field Work Basics from the library as soon as possible. It gives a fairly in-depth analysis of the mechanics pertinent to our jobs. However, since your assignment begins tomorrow I can give you the bare bone essentials to survive." Now Danica had shifted forward, her forearms resting on the table as she truly became an active member of the conversation.

"I realize that I have already said this but thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to help me. I appreciate it more than you might imagine." I was grateful that she had agreed to help but I had already basically guessed what happened out in the field.

Healing was not exactly difficult in theory and we had been told for many years that our existence was hidden from the humans we helped. Therefore it stood to reason that the basics of field work told us to arrive to a call, heal the charge, and then leave before they could break through the haze of their memories and remember us.

We continued to discuss business through the meal and even through dessert. Everything Danica told me was rather close to how I imagined it and made all our jobs seem far too simple. Of course, there was always the possibility of failing too many times and being pulled from the field for other duties.

For people like my friend Osten, being kept from the field for other tasks was an honor. Danica and the others like her could imagine doing nothing but being out in the field. If field work suited me then I would accept that but I would not mind if I had a desk job either.

When we finally left the restaurant I felt that I had a decent grasp on the job but I had made very little progress with Danica. I would simply have to try harder to win her affection. Sooner or later I would succeed. Failing was not in my nature.

#

I paused in my story and looked over at Tamesis. She had slumped down in the chair and looked as if she was close to falling asleep. It made me wonder if she had been working herself too much again. Much like Danica, Tam was prone to losing herself in her work and forgetting about important tasks such as eating and sleeping.

"Tam, are you feeling all right?" I inquired. "Maybe we should slow down on my story for a little while and give you a chance to rest."

She perked up slightly and shook her head. "I'm fine. I just don't get what you saw in Danica."

"It took a little while to break through her shell, get her to focus on living instead of just work. The truth was that I admired her dedication and how certain she was that our duties were creating a better world. Even after I learned the truth I was impressed by her tenacity. The two of you have a great deal in common." I knew Tam would see the truth soon enough and I wondered if it would change her opinion of Danica. Then again, the last couple encounters between them had not been the most pleasant.

"I sincerely doubt that." Tamesis attempted to stifle a yawn with her hand but I still saw it, as focused as I was on her. Did she not notice that she was once again growing dark circles under her eyes? It was quite similar to how she had looked the first few times I ran into her while she was still a Resurrector.

"You need to go to your room and rest, Tamesis. I know you are exhausted."

"I told you I'm fine. Besides, I want to hear all about your first day in the field."

I wanted to be able to tell her no, to say that it would have to wait until after she had gotten a full night's rest, but I knew how stubborn she could be when pushed. "Would you agree to a compromise?" I asked. "We go to you room and you settle into bed. Then, and only then, will I continue my story, telling all about my first day until you fall asleep."

She groaned but shifted forward in her seat and then pushed herself up to her feet. "Fine. But I'm not all that tired."

I said nothing as I stood up, sensing that something was wrong, and it was putting Tam in the mood to fight. It was not something I would indulge, at least not now. For the most part I had learned to control my temper, with a few obvious exceptions. Instead I gestured towards the doorway and followed Tam as we left the study and walked to the other side of the building, which housed most of the living areas. Mine was not with the rest.

We did not speak at all during the walk and a tense silence filled the air. Something dark surrounded us and I could admit that I felt a little uneasy. Tamesis did not appear to have noticed it, but her face was a mask of determination and barely controlled anger. Her eyes swirled in multiple hues of grey. It gave me reason for concern. I thought that things would be easier now that we were not dealing with so many Resurrector issues. Apparently that assumption was wrong.

At her door I paused. "I should give you a few minutes to prepare yourself for bed." It had been so long…no, I would be professional for the duration of this story and even beyond. I had made my position perfectly clear to Tam and now we would both need to abide by that limitation. Nothing could happen between us unless she was willing to risk death. Even then, I knew I could not bear for that to happen.

"Don't wait too long." Then she pushed the door shut behind her and left me standing in the hall alone.

#

Being awakened by the tinkling chimes of a call is not the most enjoyable sensation and it was incredibly surreal to experience it, knowing that it was a real cry for help and not just a part of lessons. When Danica spoke of responding to a charge she made it sound like an adrenaline rush and having an instant alertness and ability to respond.

All I felt was that my sleep was being interrupted and the somewhat annoying chimes were worse than an alarm clock. Was this what my life was to be for the next few decades, trapped by this duty to heal and no longer being in control of my time? Being on this special assignment of priority cases meant that I did not work shifts like the others. I was on call at all times. So far I could not say that I enjoyed my assignment.

I glanced over at the clock on my wall and saw that it was only three in the morning. My dinner with Danica had lasted a few hours and then I had returned to my room to find a large envelope waiting, an envelope that had contained everything I needed to know about my new job. I had been up until almost one reading through everything, twice. Now I almost regretted that decision.

Well, the charge certainly would not wait around forever and I could already imagine the look on Samuel's face if I failed on my first day. More than anything else, that was what propelled me out of bed. I pulled on the first pair of pants and shirt I found in my closet and focused on the chimes signaling my charge's need.

It was strange to follow that call without a clear image of where I was going. Typically traveling involved picturing where to go and then imagining that I was there. This was focusing on a cry for help and following it, much like a blind man seeking out the source of a noise.

When I arrived, I first noted that I was in a dark alleyway, the nearby streetlight busted. The sounds of a man groaning in pain came from behind a stack of crates. Maybe I misunderstood, but I did not see how healing somebody in an alley could be considered high priority, unless the person was meant to do something revolutionary. That seemed unlikely considering that the Leaders did not know the future.

Perhaps there was a flaw in the system for assigning charges to a Resurrector. I would need to look into that later, but for now, I supposed that someone did need help and I was already in a position to follow our training and heal him.

I stepped around the stack of crates and saw a man slumped against the building wall. He was covered in cuts and bruises, and possibly had a number of broken bones. Whoever had beaten him had done a grand job, carefully administering injuries in a way that would be drawn out and painful, killing him slowly. Yet here I was to ruin all that by healing his life-threatening injuries and giving this man a second chance at life. I just hoped that he took the opportunity for improvement.

It was a little difficult to maneuver into a position where I could set my hands in the places I needed to for proper healing. The man was practically glued to the crates at his side and the building wall behind him. The only solution was to crouch with my left leg between his legs and my right leg off to his side. With the way this all probably looked from a distance, I felt certain there were details I would omit when sharing this tale with Ruka.

With my left hand on his temple and my right on his heart, I closed my eyes and focused on sending the healing energy through the man's body, carefully repairing the worst of his injuries while also being sure to leave some evidence of the attack on his body. The men who had done this in the first place would only retaliate more if he walked away without a scratch.

I felt it as his bones snapped back into place and I paused the healing just as the bones began to knit themselves back together, leaving them cracked instead of broken. He would feel considerably better than he did a minute ago, but he would still be incredibly sore. I did not envy his next few days.

The whole process took only a minute but left me feeling drained in a way I could not have imagined. Restraining the energy for a partial heal had been taxing, and I instinctively knew that I would need a couple minutes before I could manage to return to the Resurrector facilities.

Unfortunately with the slight boost of energy the heal had given him, my charge was beginning to really move and I needed to get far away before he realized that I had been his guardian angel. Really, why did the Leaders act as if that was the most dangerous situation ever? I remembered whole lessons where they would warn us about sticking around too long. It would reveal us to the world was what they said. Having that knowledge available to all humans would make it harder for us to operate unseen.

The truth was that some did see us and remember, but those people also knew how the rest of society would respond to such a revelation. Most were not willing to be labeled as insane.

I pushed myself up, a feat that was nearly impossible in my weakened state. I wish I could say that I then simply walked away but it was more accurate to say that I stumbled out of the alley and then leaned against the nearest wall to catch my breath. All I needed to do was relax and focus on getting back home. I would sort out everything else later.

When I eventually made it back to my room it took all my remaining energy to kick off my shoes before collapsing in my bed. It took only moments for the darkness of sleep to envelop me.

#

Tamesis had fallen asleep at the end of this portion of my tale and I pulled the covers up over her shoulders. I had to resist any urge to kiss her forehead or any other potentially romantic notion. Not long ago I told her that nothing could happen between us and mostly I had stuck to that statement. As with anything else, I sometimes struggled with my choices.

This was something I absolutely needed to deny myself. I could not stand here any longer without my resolve crumbling into nothingness. "Sweet dreams, Tamesis," I murmured before quietly making my way out of her room. I hoped she would be able to sleep through the night. Seeing her overwork herself pained me and I was unsure if she did it because it was what she was used to or if there were some signs I had been missing. I saw no anomalies on my master scroll so whatever was going on had nothing to do with the Balance.

I needed to find answers. Soon.

Project Death: Revelation Chapter Two

Chapter Two

"There is nothing more valuable to a Resurrector than the ability to heal quickly and effectively." - From Guide to Healing

 

This was a moment I had been thinking of and planning on for several weeks now, and yet I was actually no closer to making a move now as I was then. However, it was something I could not bring myself to mention to Ruka. I had never been rejected by one of the female Resurrectors before, but none of the others happened to be as dedicated to duties as Danica. She was special in so many ways and part of me deeply worried that she would brush me aside, especially considering my seeming laziness these past weeks in class. Though she had been out in the field for almost a month now, she still maintained a strong friendship with a number of other Resurrectors still in training. I felt certain that I was one of the topics they discussed.

I knew a great deal about Danica, and she did not approve of the Resurrectors who did not share a strong devotion to training and duties. It was almost certain that Mara had told Danica about my daydreaming in class, but neither Mara nor any of the others in my class knew of my extra sessions. No one other than Ruka and Osten knew of those, because my two best friends had noticed all the times I would go missing for hours without a valid excuse, and I did not wish to lie to them. Thankfully my friends were more than willing to keep that secret. Now I could not be certain whether that choice would help me or hinder me.

Holding back from even speaking to Danica was not helping anything at all, and who else would understand what it felt like to graduate early better than another Resurrector who had been granted that same status? Surely, if nothing else, the news would serve as a great way to break the ice with her. The difficulty would be in finding her; she had been in the courtyard just a short while ago, but I had no way of knowing if she would return there or go to one of the lounges. The most likely answer was that she had been called out to a charge, but unless I asked one of her friends, I could not know for certain.

#

I cleared my throat and looked over at Tamesis. It was getting late and even though I could tell that she had no problem staying here and listening to more of my story, I was not quite ready to confide all of the details to her. If Addie had not already left the facility I would have hunted her down and inquired as to why she was making me do this now. The truth of my past was long and painful and certainly not something I wanted to share with anyone, especially not my Angel of Death, especially not Tamesis. I did not want to reach the point in the story when she put all the pieces together and realized just what I had done to a number of people, actions that had led to harm that affected several generations of Resurrectors.

It had not taken me long at all to figure out who Tamesis was. Even in our first meeting there were certain mannerisms and looks that I equated with Resurrectors I had known. I felt certain that I knew exactly who her parents were, and when I had sacrificed myself to the Leaders to save her, I had managed to have my suspicions confirmed. But what if my feelings for her stemmed from that knowledge instead of an actual attraction to her? I did not want to believe such a thing but the thought remained in the back of my mind, circling around and haunting me, making me question everything.

"We should probably stop for now," I said. "I think I will go to the kitchen and prepare something for everyone." Cooking was one of the only normal outlets I had for myself. Sure my work provided one outlet for my thoughts and my desires, even if I did not want anyone to see how I felt about that, but cooking…I could allow myself to forget about everything else and focus only on chopping and cleaning and steaming and preparing and baking. It was one of only a few peaceful moments in my day.

In the time when it had just been Tamesis and myself at the facility, I had enjoyed a few peaceful moments with her, simple moments when we would sit in the study and read or pass the time listening to music. A few times we had conversations but most of those revolved around work-related things or she would tell me more about her life and the friends she had had. I knew it killed her to refrain from asking more about me, but she had at least acted in a way that respected my wish for privacy.

Why had Addie ruined that by ordering me to give Tamesis the whole story? I could understand a bit of what she thought, that Tamesis had sacrificed a number of her beliefs to accept her role as Angel of Death, and she had allowed herself to die while saving me. Certainly that meant that she deserved something. The other important fact was that Tamesis had been the one to bring the Reapers into play and that truly did help maintain the Balance of everything. But this story was mine to tell, mine to decide when to divulge, and though it had been a number of years it still pained me to think of those events. I did not want to think about them, let alone tell someone else, though my curse was that I could not forget even if I wished to more than anything.

"Thanos," Tamesis said as I started to walk away from her.

The softness of her voice was such that I could not help but stop and turn to look at her. As usual her expression was easy enough to read. She was grateful that I was opening up to her, but I also felt that she would allow me to stop it if was too large an issue. I had planned to give her everything I could after a few years, once we were both comfortable around each other and divulging secrets would not be as shocking.

I let out a deep breath. "It is fine, Tam. Addie was right in saying that you deserve to know all of this. We will get through it together."

"I suppose that's what I don't understand. For months I have asked you about yourself and yet nothing. But Addie, this woman who apparently has a past as mysterious as yours says one thing and you listen to her. Who is she?"

Her frustration stemmed from her lack of knowledge concerning the situation and I hoped she would understand that though deep down inside I still considered Ruka to be my best friend, Addie was who I had been able to count on since taking on the position of Death. Yes, it was true that dealing with Addie was an enlightening experience all on its own, she at least had come out and told me the truth from the start. If only she had done the same with Tam.

I could not help myself and I reached out to take her hands with my own as we stood face-to-face. I caught the ghost of a smile on her face at the contact, already knowing that she had felt the shock caused by me. It was the only part of my job that I truly disliked because at one time I had been the type of man who showed affection with brief kisses, gentle caresses, and holding the hand of the girl I cared for.

Now I feared that my touch would only cause pain, suffering, and death. I did not want to put Tamesis through that so I tried to keep my distance. That task was growing more and more difficult knowing that she was in love with me.

"Addie's part in the story will be coming soon enough. She has been a good friend to me, and I can promise you that we have never shared anything more than friendship." Part of me wanted to just answer her questions as she asked them, but the rest of me wanted everything to be revealed in a linear fashion. It would be easier to remember where we had left off and would keep me from skipping important details.

Tamesis nodded and for a moment I thought she would argue against my decision, but she remained silent. I had started to expect her to question both my methods and me, making this feel like an actual partnership than her being someone in my employ. Looking at the way her body tensed up and the fiery determination in her eyes made me feel certain that she would be the one to stay by my side until the end. However, there was still a glimmer of doubt, a whispering voice that said once she learned about everything I had done that she would forsake her duties as Angel of Death.

"Will you at least tell me about what happened when you asked Danica out?" she finally asked.

It was such a simple request and in that moment I could think of no way to refuse her. "After dinner, if you are still up for it, then I will tell you all about my first dinner with Danica." Looking back through all my memories, it was clear that Danica and I were better suited to being friends than anything else. There was someone much better who would provide all the support she needed after me, and now I could be thankful that she had found someone.

I released Tam's hands and then offered her my arm so I could escort her to the kitchen. It felt right to have Tamesis with me here, to know that we both felt the same way towards each other and towards our duties. We had already made it through a few rough patches but we made it through them. Now I could only hope that we would make it through my tale and survive the many secrets I have kept hidden for over a hundred years.

Leaving the study and walking down the hall we fell into a comfortable silence, but I could tell that she really just wanted to return to my story and learn everything she could. Tamesis had been wronged by the Leaders, used by them for her powerful healing ability, and she was trying to figure out why they had become so secretive and withdrawn while maintaining a healthy arrogance. The Leaders had been chosen to teach the Resurrectors and to uphold the importance of life.

It was when they could no longer perform their duties that Fate had intervened and created my position in order to protect the Balance of the universe.

When we walked into the kitchen I saw that Lillith and Kerri were setting the table for dinner. They looked up from what they were doing and Lillith quickly told me that the boys were out on a couple Reapings but would hopefully be back in time to eat. "What are we having, anyway?" she asked as she moved to the cabinets to grab the water glasses.

"I have been marinating steak for the last few days and I thought about making asparagus and baby red potatoes." When it had been just Tamesis and I, it had never been necessary to announce what I was making. Plus every Angel of Death before had simply come in, grabbed a quick bite, and left. It still felt a little unusual to have so many people present at the table for each meal. The adjustment was one that would take some time but it did add more vibrancy to the whole facility.

"That sounds delicious," Kerri commented. "Do you need any help?"

I shook my head as I separated from Tamesis and stepped over to the sink, pulling off my gloves as I moved. "Thank you for offering, though." Somebody always offered, which I appreciated even as I declined the assistance. Cooking almost made me feel normal, but I had already made it perfectly clear that everyone needed to keep back while I worked. I did not want to take the chance that my ungloved hands would harm someone else. Even Tam kept her distance.

Just off the kitchen was a small patio that existed solely for the purpose of storing the grill, which was what I was going to use to make dinner on this day. I set the gloves down on the ledge by the sink and quickly washed my hands so I could start cooking. It was only recently that I started to allow myself these short periods without the gloves but I knew that one slip-up would end the experiment forever.

Addie had been telling me for years to relax and trust that I would not seriously harm or kill everyone I touched but I was doubtful. When I had touched Tam in an attempt to heal her, I know there was a rather long moment when she had died, and then the after effects of my touch had kept her immobile for hours. Even risking an accidental contact seemed too great a chance.

Part of me foolishly hoped that one day I would find my equal, someone born with the ability to withstand my deathtouch. I had wanted that partner to be Tamesis but even though she was one of the best healers I had ever seen, she still felt that agony when with me. Would I be forever cursed, unable to truly be with anyone?

I pushed those thoughts aside and allowed myself to forget about everything except cooking. It only took a few moments to clean off the baby red potatoes, spread them into a layer on a baking sheet and then drizzle them with a little oil and herbs.

Next came the asparagus and I had already decided on the perfect recipe to complement the rest of the meal. It was a baked parmesan crusted asparagus. This dish too only took a minute or two to throw together and then the asparagus joined the potatoes in the oven.

 Once the sides were cooking I grabbed the container that held the marinated steaks and stepped out onto the patio. Tam, Kerri, and Lillith had all sat down at the kitchen table and were discussing both healing and reaping, but I had tuned all of it out. My life has always been about one or the other and it had become a dull topic to me.

Instead I allowed myself the peace that accompanied the near solitude of the patio. For just a few minutes I could push aside the reality of who I was and what I did and at least pretend to be normal. The illusion would shatter soon enough once I set out to collect another soul.

Laughter came from inside and I recognized it as Tam's, feeling a twinge in my chest from the knowledge that I could not provide such a response in her.

"Man, you are just as bad as she is," said a voice from behind me.

As I turned away from both the grill and the unheard conversation inside I spotted Gabe leaning back against the patio's railing a few feet behind me. "Why do you say that?" I asked him. The Reapers were quite a perceptive bunch, probably from spending so much time with Addie during their training.

Gabe simply chuckled and shook his head for a few moments. "You and Tam both function as if orbiting around the other. It's obvious that you dig each other but neither one of you seems to make that next move. I get the attraction, man, but I don't get the hesitation. She's obsessed with you and I see you watching her all the time. You wait around too long and someone else will jump in there and steal her away."

I was unsure if his words were meant to help me or to turn me into a madman, but the words did leave a mark. They also made sense and I would be a liar if I refused to admit that I had considered that possibility. Tamesis had told me that she thought she loved me but she was still very young and had been raised to only focus on her Resurrector duties. She did not completely understand love or what it would cost her to love me.

Yet the thought that she could fall for anyone else cut me to the core. It was a cruel thought but a sensible one. She deserved better than what I could offer. "She is free to pursue whomever she wishes," I said finally, forcing the words out with as little feeling as I could muster.

"Well, everybody knows that she wants you so stop leading her on. Just take her to your room and get it over with."

I barely suppressed a growl at his words. Clearly he did not understand the ramifications if either of us gave in. For me to give in to my desires to hold Tamesis, to kiss her or do anything more than that would only result in causing her pain and possibly I death I could not reverse. "You have no idea what you are suggesting. There is much you still do not know about what happens here."

The words came out harsher than I intended but it was far too late to take them back. Taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly, I forced my body to calm down. "She and I will never be what either of us might wish to be. The risks are too great."

Gabe continued to look at me and shrugged. "Whatever you say, man, but if it's the real deal then no risk is too great." Then he shoved himself forward from the railing and headed inside.

I stood unmoving for a few seconds and then turned back to the steak. Shortly before she had left, Addie had brought up similar points but I had not been willing to even consider them then. The fact was that if Addie said it then I would be a complete idiot to doubt her.

I tried to clear the thoughts from my mind but found I could no longer return to that state of peaceful quiet. It was clear that the way I used to operate would no longer work. Change was coming whether I wanted it to or not. Change had arrived with the Reapers and if I could adjust to them then I needed to be open to other possibilities as well.

As soon as the steaks were ready I arranged them on a platter, carried them inside, and set the platter in the middle of the table. Then I pulled the asparagus and potatoes from the oven and carried them to the table as well. "Dinner is ready," I announced as I grabbed my gloves from the ledge above the sink and pulled the black leather over my cursed skin.

After checking one last time that my hands were completely covered I joined the others at the table. For whatever reason, though the death curse flowed over my entire body, it was most potent with contact from my hands. Perhaps that was the loophole I needed, but I doubted it. My kiss had killed in the past and I was not eager to repeat the experience.

Perhaps my thoughts translated to a certain look because no one spoke to me except to compliment the food. It was fine that they did not include me in the conversation because I would not have been much of a participant anyway.

After the meal Gabe and Rick offered to clean up while Kerri and Lillith headed out for a few quick Reaps. Tam stood up and walked over to me. "I still want you to tell me about Danica tonight but I have a fairly important soul to collect."

She had gotten comfortable enough with the job that she was now starting to sense the weight of the souls. It helped us see how much the Balance could be tipped, and with a heavy soul it was likely that a Resurrector would also be there. I nodded to her. "I will be waiting for you in the study. Be careful."

Tam gave me a bright smile and shook her head. "There's no need for that. I can certainly handle the Resurrectors." Then she faded away in a smoky gray mist and I made my way down the hall to my study.

#

I found Danica in the library, surrounded by a massive pile of texts on the healing arts. It was something I should have expected from her, and just seeing her so engrossed in a task she truly believed in was beautiful. For a moment I almost walked past her and left her in peace. However, Ruka was expecting me to stop procrastinating on this and frankly, I needed to just get it all out in the open. Now seemed to be the perfect time as she was alone. Any other time and I would also have to deal with all of her friends, most of whom I had courted at one point or another.

Before walking directly up to her, I picked up a couple of books on handling your first field assignment so I could skim through them later in the evening if I was without other plans. With any luck I would be able to escort Danica to dinner and we could discussing working in the field while waiting for the meal to arrive. It would be so much more pleasant to discuss the matter with someone than to read about the rather long history of Resurrectors in the field.

After taking my acquisitions to the circulation desk and having Alim, the elderly librarian sign them out to my name, I slowly made my way over to the table Danica occupied. I cleared my throat and gestured towards the open seat across from her. "Would it be all right if I joined you for a few minutes?"

She did not even look up from the books, instead only pausing in her reading long enough to jot down a few notes. Her hair had been clipped back so it stayed out of her eyes while she studied, though a few strands had fallen loose. Danica did not appear to be bothered by it in the slightest. In her time in classes and out in the field, it had become clear to most everyone that she would sacrifice her looks in the name of her duty. I completely admired her dedication to the job but I could not come close to feeling that way myself.

We were born with the skill to heal and had very little options other than to become Resurrectors. A few of the Resurrectors did not show a skill for healing and instead went into other fields. They were our librarians, our teachers, our mentors, and some of them found jobs in the human realm, mostly as social workers. No one looked down on those who were not meant to be out healing. They helped in other ways and it was to be respected.

Danica still had not answered me so I made the decision for her and slid into the chair. That at least caused her to glance up at me. "What are you doing here, Thanos?" she asked before turning her focus back to the books.

"I was hoping to speak with you about field work. Samuel has informed me that I am to be released from classes to work on what they consider to be special cases, and considering you are the only other person from our class who has been given an assignment, I figured you would be the best choice for any questions I might have."

"All you need to do is follow your training. Field work is easy. Nobody really pays attention as you heal and then you leave before the charge can piece together that something miraculous has happened to them." Danica jotted down something else and then set down her pen so she could focus on the conversation. I took that as a good sign. "This is something they will cover exclusively the last month of classes."

At that I had no choice but to smile. It was good that word had not already spread of my assignment. Ruka was pretty good at keeping secrets most of the time, which I appreciated far more than I could admit out loud. "Unfortunately those are lessons I must skip," I said. "My first day in the field is tomorrow, hence my desire to speak with you."

"Congratulations on your early graduation. I apologize if this seems rude but I did not ever believe you to be so dedicated to the profession. I suppose I could take some time to run you through the basics." She stated it so simply, as if it was nothing more than fact, with no hint of disapproval or malice. That was another aspect of Danica's personality to appreciate and I doubted that she even realized it. Even her focus on her work did not keep her from helping others in need.

"I believe the only response I can give is to say that sometimes people will surprise you, and basing opinions on rumors is never the best option. It is fortunate that I was assigned to sessions with Josiah and the other Leaders." The last comment was one that I knew she would respect, because being chosen for more advanced sessions often hinted that a Resurrector was destined for some great career. I usually acted as if none of that really mattered to me, but that was because I did not want people to suspect all of the things I had been told already. The information about the Resurrectors and the Leaders that I had would be shocking to others.

The truth was that the Leaders were scared of tales they had read, predictions of a great threat to the cause, and the only piece of knowledge that kept them from panicking was that a unique Resurrector would arise to usher in changes that would bring peace. This was all information I had been told by Josiah…or knowledge I had gathered while snooping through their books and files.

Danica nodded and closed up her books, stacking them up and shoving them into her bag. "You are right and I apologize for jumping to conclusions about you," she replied as she stood up. "Now, you said you wanted to talk about field work?"

I could not have planned the conversation any better than it was already going. Frankly I did not mind if she was only doing this because she thought it was her duty to help, because if she agreed to dinner then I would win her over. Also, unlike most of the other young female Resurrectors, Danica was someone meant for more than a casual date or two.

"Yes, I would love to hear all about field work, especially from someone who has been out there. I would not want to seem overwhelmed on my first day." Perhaps I was going the tiniest bit overboard but I knew she would pity me for the position in which I found myself. "Are you available tonight? For sharing your wisdom with me the least I can do in return is to take you out to eat," I said. Then, seeing the look on her face, a slight thinning of her lips and a hint of displeasure in her eyes, I continued, "It will be strictly a business dinner. I would not want to overstep any professional boundaries."

That comment seemed to be the one that eased her mind and helped her make a decision because after a moment she gave a slight nod. "Fine. I will meet you in the courtyard at seven, unless I have a charge. Mara will find you if I am late."

I scooped up my books and gave Danica an eager smile, already feeling that I had secured myself as the best option to be her future partner. "Thank you for your help, and I will see you later." Then I walked away before she had a chance to change her mind.