So, today is a pretty big day for me. I will participate in my first book signing ever of my published life. Have I gone to book signings to meet other authors and buy their books? Absolutely and I have a nice collection of autographed books because of it. But today I get to be one of those authors.
It is a huge step for me, especially considering that I started this journey with a pen name and some scribbled down story ideas, wanting to basically do nothing more than hide behind my computer. Truthfully I wanted to have some separation between my published life and my personal life, but now the more I look at that decision, the more I realize that it was fairly silly. Writing is my life and I love what I do. Yes, I have to hold another full time job to pay the bills because so far it isn't feasible to survive on about $100 every six months or so, but I still dream that someday I'll be able to make it to a part-time job only because writing will be getting me somewhere.
I'm still using my pen name. I love it and answer to it as easily as I do the name I was given at birth. I actually have friends who have gone to introduce me to someone they now and they say "This is Danielle." Trust me, that is perfectly fine with me. Of course, if you know me personally and want to use my birth name, then that's fine too. However, I am still going to try and maintain a slight veil of separation between my author persona and who I am the rest of the time. Right now I still don't feel like putting an author photo in my books, and if I do, you could almost guarantee that I will have my face partially obscured by a copy of my books or something similar. I don't like taking pictures of myself or having my picture taken. I think my smile looks awkward or entirely too goofy and an author photo is a professional thing and having a bad picture could reflect negatively on sales.
I think about these sorts of things all the time. Really, I do. And that might be why I'm a bit nervous for this book signing today. What happens if I get there and nobody wants to buy my book? I know of a few of my mom's friends who are coming there to see me, and the amusing thing is that they've all bought and read my book. The show of support for me and my dream is amazing and I am super grateful for it, but self-publishing (or any route of publication) is not easy and I can admit to still feeling like I've just taken a leap of faith and I'm waiting to see if I'll fly or fall. It's not exactly a pleasant sensation but I'm trying to hold on to my optimism about it all.
Why? Because the readers I have accumulated so far are absolutely amazing people. A few of them have brought me to tears with their words of how much they loved reading my book and how moved they were by the story. Hearing how desperately they want the next book is also extremely touching and motivating.
The doors for the signing open in three and a half hours. Whether this is successful or not, I at least know that I've taken another step forward and had another experience I couldn't have had if I hadn't published my book back in July. Basically, I'm just going to try and enjoy the roller coaster ride of being an author. It's been wild and amazing and difficult and exhilarating so far. Let's see what happens next.
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